Recently divorced...trying to deal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Recently divorced...trying to deal
3
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 2:42am
Hi...I am a mother of three children. My divorce has been final for over a month now. He moved out the beginning of the year. I am trying to deal with my anger. I cant stand to talk to my ex or even look at him. He has been dating months before our divorce was final. He said that they were just friends. Nothing is going on. I forced him to talk to her and get close to her. I cant stand it that another woman has influence on my children now. Ex lives an hour away. GF lives over 2 hours away from him. On the weekends Ex has kids, she has been spending the night as well. He says that he cant afford to take the kids to their weekend activities. Besides it isnt activities he wants to do with the kids. Then he takes them to GF to spend the day. The hurt and anger is eating me up. I know it isnt doing me any good. The self doubt that I have I am trying to deal with. The question of "why couldnt he love me, what is wrong with me?" goes through my head. I am thankful and try to celebrate something everyday, even if it is small. I am so ready for this year to end and start fresh with a new one. Advice, comments would much be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 1:53pm

Hi danggal,
Im sorry your feeling this way and going through what you are. I think what your feeling is totally normal, some people heal faster then others its been less then a year thats not very long. "why couldnt he love me, what is wrong with me?" There is nothing wrong with you, dont even go there! Ask yourself whats wrong with him? Have you been to someone you can talk to? a therapist, or a counsellor. I think it would do you a world of good to talk to someone about your feelings. It would make you realize what your going through right now is totally normal, and that its just part of the healing process that you will get through!!!! Hang in there and big Hugs to you. Keep me posted.

Heidi.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 9:58am
Yes I am seeing a counselor. I first started seeing him a year ago. My ex refused to go with me. He said that a marriage counselor wouldnt help us, well me. I believe that my ex was waiting for me to screw up in some way to justify his leaving me and the kids and start seeing his "friend." He told me before they go together that he wants us to be friends and that at the kids activities will be stress free and a lot of fun. I told him that he is living in a fantasy world. He said that we dont have to make it hard, especially for the kids. Why not just be friends and be happy for each other. Sure, he makes it sound so easy. Can it be that easy? The hurt and anger that I have makes it hard to do that. Can I, should I just let it all go and try and make things happy for them and the kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 4:50pm
HI. God, can I relate to you...My problem is that for the first time in 3 years my ex has a new woman, with an 11 year old son. Our son is 8 and now all of the sudden his Dad wants to be the perfect Dad for this woman's eyes. I don't want anyone near my son, and I feel like a let lose tiger when my son walks in the door with that other boy's clothing on. I have so much anger inside of me, even after 4 years. I never thought I would be in this situation. The only way I can try to deal with any of this, is by looking at my son. I love him, and I must be here for him. The loss of my dream is catamount. How do you go on from here, and believe in love again????