reconcilliation 1 week after divorce???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
reconcilliation 1 week after divorce???
8
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:17pm
I'll make this short and sweet :) My divorce was final, decree signed by the judge 1 week ago today. It was uncontested and my ex did not need to appear. The day prior to the court date, my ex showed up at my door and begged for forgiveness.... While I had done the same thing a month prior and he turned me away. So after a lot of tears shed on both our parts and hard feelings, I told him I had gone this far and I had to go through with the divorce. I was so torn, but my family and friends pressured me to go to the court house that morning.
I felt like I made such a mistake by doing it. He came to me with so much love for me, and really seemed to realize what a mistake pushing for the divorce was in the first place. We are still very much in love and we both realize we want to be together. My ex leaves TOMORROW for Army bootcamp, and now that the divorce is final, I can't get any support from him. Sounds silly, but he was hopeful he could plead his case before the judge tomorrow morning and ask him to "undo" or dismiss our decree since it's only been a week. I guess time is not on our side, and I believe everything happens for a reason. Does this mean we need to remarry if we want our marriage back?
Messy, huh?

Shaundra

  • Wife to a handsome Combat Medic
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 9:18am

Marriage is about a relationship, not about a legal document. Nothing is stopping you from being together if that's what you both want. Don't stress over the legalities. You have a lifetime to decide whether or not you want to officially remarry.

Wishing you great joy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 11:46am

i can relate to you on a large level - my husband & i don't truly want to separate or divorce - however...we are currently - he had always threatened it in the past - but i never thought he'd actually go thru w/it - but he pulled up in the u-haul - so being that i did have an ounce of pride, i started packing!! and it was sort of funny when i did - i think he was sort of surprised - and was like "i've been putting up w/stuff for too long" lol - then started to get picky about the stuff that i started packing - and making sure it wasn't "his" - (eye roll)

and after a wk of separation, he admitted that he still loved & missed me - and was sorry -

in NC you have to wait at least a year before you can really divorce - soooo...we've got a good while for that to actually take place - which i believe is a good thing - but in the end, he decided that counseling (something that i pushed before we were actually separated ;( was a good idea, so now it's been over a month & we are going thru w/ that...which even as much as i still do love him & want the marriage, i know that there has to be something different about next time, if we want different results & someone else's objective opinion, who has validated many of my thoughts & feelings - has definitely been a good thing & what i needed in order gain more clarity around things w/him & i...in my opinion, he was too divorce happy & that's why we are in this predicament - even w/all of our problems (that now i know must be worked out first, or at least be able to be handled differently before any reconciliation) i would've stayed...but now i'm glad that we did separate really know that some things really need to be worked on -

and i agree w/the other poster about the relationship having nothing to do w/the legal marriage stuff - sometimes even though i want to be married to him & get the benefits - if we were to actually divorce, i would probably just call it a day on that...but to each their own...

anyhoooo!!! take care - and really at least consider counseling & working on some of your issues before reuniting...it would probably help ensure alot more smoother of a ride for next time - and sometimes it takes some space before we can see that & get to that point of acknowledgement...sometimes love doesn't conquer all...

Laurel :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 1:01pm

Finish the divorce. Let the dust settle.

Don't even consider examining a relationship until he's out of boot and well into his first assignment (he'll be transferred to somewhere in the us after boot).

Has something fundementally changed about either of you that would compel you to think divorce is wrong? Something like years of counceling, dealing with addictions, death in the family, something like that. Begging, pleading and apologizing are not fundemental changes - they are acts of desparation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 7:26pm

You need to find out about the laws of your state - in mine, you can decide to change your mind within one month of the final date.

However, in either case, it sounds like you (or both of you) could really benefit from some counseling, as you seem to both make decisions rather more impulsively and with less good communication than would be desired.

Best of Luck to you,
~Kristi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 9:54pm
Thanks for everyone's replies :) What state are you in? I'm in TX. I've been trying to find the laws online, but not having much luck. As far as I know we're safe to be remarried, but I wonder how to fix the CS orders as well? I suppose that will come.
My (ex) DH was supposed to leave today for the military, but his orders were pushed to Monday night. Now we have a bit longer to make some decisions!
Basically we really want the benefits from the military to cover our son and myself. And when it comes time for us to move to his base I will have to be his wife for them to cover the move. Of course that's not the only reason we'd like to stay married. It was a complicated and impulsive decision. Big mistake!

Shaundra

  • Wife to a handsome Combat Medic
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 11:04pm

I was divorced in MO, tho for a while I lived in TX. A great state btw. I did a quick search for you & did not find the info either. I did see that you are able to remarry your (X)DH at any time (but no-one else for a while), so that might be easiest?

GL,
~Kristi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 8:39am
Yea, TX is great. :) That's basically what I have found as well... Thanks so much for looking!! I guess they much prefer you marry your ex! Too funny! I can't imagine too many couples have remarried each other within 30 days of their divorce being finalized lol.

Shaundra

  • Wife to a handsome Combat Medic
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 1:32pm

1. Even if you are not married, your son should be covered under your ex's insurance.

2. The Military will pay for him to move, to the barracks that is. If he wants to live
in base housing, well that's another story.

3. Your ex would have gotten more money if he were married but as someone else stated,
it is probably wise to take things slowly.