Regrets Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
Regrets Anyone?
29
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:07am

Just wondering how many of you, either all said and done or currently going through the process, have regretted your decision to divorce?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 2:06pm

I've been wanting to ask this question myself. Someone had posted once before they regretted it and I was wondering how many others do too.

My divorce isn't final yet and I wonder if someday I'll regret it, but so far every day I feel so much stronger and liberated and even though this journey is difficult I am amazed at my personal growth. I think I see some growth on my STBX's part too which I'm hoping will help him find happiness too (but not enough for me to not get a divorce still some major issues there). I'm thinking I won't regret it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 2:34pm

No regrets. Not now. Despite being put out on the street and having my kids taken from me, I feel better than ever now that I am away from the one whose constant criticism left me in a constant state of self-doubt. I'm more clearheaded than ever.

What I do regret is not waking up sooner. What I do regret is not being more assertive in getting him and us to marriage counseling years ago. We might have made it then. I regret not seeing his plans for legal manipulation and I regret falling right into it. What I regret is not seeing him for what he is sooner. I don't regret the marriage. I certainly don't regret the children we had together. I don't even regret what I'm going through now, painful as it is, because I'm growing in God through it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:12pm
Sure, lots. Until today when I came across this board.
Hi, I'm just recently seperated after 17 years of marriage, the last 5 years being not so good. It was my decision and I left the house. In doing so I had to let my 16 year old son make his decision of where to live and he chose to stay where he is and finish his last 2 years of HS there. I'm feeling terribly guilty now about leaving b/c it wasn't really awful just boring and predictable and lonely. I've been gone since June and have a great apartment in the city, but still close to "home" so I do get to see my son as much as we both can fit each other into our schedules! He's a teenager and has school and a job and a girlfriend, so I'm lucky to get a few hours a week with him! Anyway, I've been a little depressed about this whole thing and decided to find a group of gals who were going through the same thing where I could come to vent and find comfort and maybe a little sanity. This was the 1st board I found today and I have enjoyed reading all of yall's comments. It's made me feel so much better about my decision. Thanks so much. I'll probably be posting alot now that I've "come out"! Let me know if I start to bore yall!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:33pm

Welcome, I am fairly new here too. But the ladies (and a few men) seem to be real supportive and have ideas and perspectives we wouldn't otherwise think of.

I know a lot of the posts I read I can complete relate to, and it makes me feel better, sometimes I am just sad and nothing helps. Someimes reading here makes it worse, but in a "good" way,...as in learning.

I think the community leaders here are objective and can offer expereice and insight that we as new separatees don't have.
I was married only one year. No affairs, or anything like that. We just are 2 incompatible people for a marriage. Too many idfferent views on money, kids, just getting along on a daily basis...etc.

We don't have too much to do as far as finalizing the divorce, it's getting that started that seems to be taking so long (he's responded already, but his attorney didn't return my attorney's call).

Good luck, nice meeting you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:50pm
Hi sachdunk! Thanks for the welcome! I'm looking forward to finding insight here from people who are in our same boat. None of my friends or family can really give me any answers. All they say is "Just do whatever makes you happy. That's all we care about." Well, thanks alot for that! I appreciate all those words of wisdom! LOL!
I'm not really expecting to find all the answers here, either but, it's nice to know there's a place to go where there are others who are feeling the exact same emotions as me. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:55pm
Yes, and you will realize it will be a roller coaster of emotions. Some days you will hate him so much, and others you will miss him so much.
It's confusing and heartbreaking...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:04pm
Though I'm the one that filed, I did not choose to get divorce. STBX gave me no other choice when he moved in withh OW and their baby.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:28pm
crazy! i've been married 18 years and our last five years have sucked also! small world. was "the H sitting around moping all day and finding solace in internet porn while you worked" in your picture too? cuz then i'd say we must be sisters or something... :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
In reply to: slim262
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:04pm
Ahhh, the internet porn, huh? What is it that makes these therefore responsible, sane guys turn into drunk, masturbating idiots?! Man, I got so sick of that after about 6 months of it I deleted his account. It made me feel like his mom, for gawds sake! Who needs that? I do have to say that he did stop going to the porn after being grounded for several months! LOL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: slim262
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:37pm

yeah, sad really...for me it wasn't so much the topic of his web surfing so much as the fact that i was taking on extra projects at work to make extra money while he tried to get a business off the ground and take care of the 2-year old, and then he would be doing that instead (until I found out and finally confronted him with it when she was 7) and then be mad at me for working too hard. part of why he is resisting our break-up is the money because i make pretty good money and he doesn't. how will "he" afford all the things that "we" want without me: new truck, motorcycles, boat, etc.?

and re-reading that makes me wonder why i feel badly about his being sad about my initiating this separation...