Regrets Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
Regrets Anyone?
29
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 2:07am

Just wondering how many of you, either all said and done or currently going through the process, have regretted your decision to divorce?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
In reply to: slim262
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 5:01pm
No kidding. Don't feel bad about the moocher/perv. You deserve better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
In reply to: slim262
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 9:55pm
Absolutely hated it and often felt like I could just lay down and die, but now I say my divorce was the worst AND the best thing that ever happened to me.
I am done with college in a few months, I have a new life with a new husband. It's hard but it's so much more what I want.
No regrets.
Beckie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
In reply to: slim262
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 8:15pm
Regrets they are a waste of energy and really what good do they do?? I too am going through a divorce now not by my choice but you know what i make the best of the cards im dealt , even though its a huge change for me because i was a stay at home mom and im in my later 40's, but im all too aware that anyones life can change in a matter of seconds so i take it day at a time . The sad part is the kids they didnt deserve the loss of the nuclear family but today sadly its very common
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: slim262
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 10:38am

No, ma'am. The regrets I have are how I handled my marriage. I never asked him to give up on his dreams, but put up with him pursuing them at the expense of our family.

My ex constantly shows me that I did the right thing. Talk about reinforcement, sheesh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
In reply to: slim262
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 10:49am

My only regret is not starting the process much much sooner. My marriage was effectively over several years ago, it just took me a while to get the nerve to finally do something about it.

Trudy

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
In reply to: slim262
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 12:39pm
Im going through the process right now, and as of now I can say that I do not have any regrets. We have only been married for 2 1/2 years, but we were never meant to be together. I do feel guilty for leaving him because he is by himself and I have family to come home to. But I cannot let guilt ruin the rest of my life. We do not have any children and so this was the best time for us to split up without hurting any innocent parties. I pray for the best for him and me, and I firmly believe that this will be the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
In reply to: slim262
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 3:41pm

It's been over 2 years now for me and in the beginning I wondered back and forth if I had made a mistake. Early on you go through that alot (some of us at least). But as time went on, more and more I realized that it was the best decision in my life. Ex knew how much I loved him. In fact he was so "SURE" that because of my love for him that he'd be able to get away with murder. Well I darn sure tricked the heck out of him when I kicked him out. Myself too as a matter of fact. All I knew was I refused to put up with a cheater and liar. I deserved more and my son surely did. We were beginning to argue alot, and starting to do it in front of our son and ofcourse when he cried ex would say look what You're doing to him, Me. Ha. He was becoming more and more disrespectful and though my self esteem was very low one thing I knew was Heck No did I deserve that. We tried mediation after the separation primarily for visitation issues, I had tried prior to that to work it out so desperately, even wanted to do counseling, he agreed but never pursued it then all of a sudden didnt want anyone in his business. One of the big flags that it was the best thing I could have done was in mediation when he was talking to her alone, I overheard him say (ok I was eavesdropping lol) but he said if I got hit by a bus he wouldnt even stop to help me! I couldnt believe he could say that. He told her intimate details about our sex life on a couple of occassions that we were together (these were things I was ashamed of because being heavy am so self conscience ya know, I had gotten cramps in my leg a couple of times and we had to stop) and he told her these things. I was so embarassed.

He can be a real sob. It went the limit when he called me a %itch. Enough is enough.

Im darn glad now. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
In reply to: slim262
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 1:05pm

I wouldn't so much call it a divorce as I would an 'escape'. I regret the escape like I would regret escaping from a prisoner of war camp where I was tortured each and every day. I never once regreted getting out, though I did feel tremendous doubt in myself at first due to his constant brainwashing by telling me I was worthless. I plunged forward because I knew I could not live like that anymore. My only regret was even dating the jerk in the beginning. And I spent way too much time kicking myself for even marrying. Sorry to say that the wedding was itself a horrible experience. So much so that even during the time I was trying to convince myself that I could make him into the dream spouse if I was more attentive to his every need, I was too traumatized by the whole event to even look at photos of it even 9 years into the marriage. Consequently, I never had any photos displayed in my house, nor did I have a wedding photo album. He never seemed to notice or care. But perhaps that was because this was a marriage for profit to him. It greatly increased his lifestyle, allowed him to afford to buy himself and other women nice gifts, while leaving me with pathetically little. And later, leaving my son with next to nothing. Since getting rid of that slab of gristle, my son and me have more than tripled our standard of living. Funny, when you consider there was theoretically twice the money coming in before the divorce. It demonstrated how much the human vacuum was taking from his theoretical family.

But I am digressing now. You can tell how...absolutely zip...I regret or think of that jerk. Sadly I don't have a soft spot in my heart for that piece of waste. Thank goodness he was too much into himself to care about my son either and so has left us alone. My biggest challenge has been healing from the marriage rather than the divorce. Each day is better, but it is so difficult to learn to trust and not be afraid of men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
In reply to: slim262
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 5:30pm
I'm in the beginning, just filed this week and I've seen the man that I loved with all of my heart for 10 years turn into a nasty hateful person since he told me he had a girlfriend just 1 month ago. I have no regrets...unless you can count that I didn't act on my suspicions sooner...

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