Relationship with EX after divorce
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 04-02-2005 - 2:33pm |
Let it all out. My STBX and I were always good friends, I think being married got in the way for us. If that makes sense. Neither one of us can imagine not being around each other. All of our family thinks we are crazy. I want to let him go but I dont know how.. I miss him when he is gone and care about him deeply. We have alot of issues as far as being married but I wonder if there is anyone who has a good relationship with thier ex? I am still having issues with him being my property in a way, sounds terrible. Not as bad as I meant for it to sound. You remember when you first get married to call him your husband and how good that felt? Same sort of thing...
He claims that we will always be close. I am worried I will lose his friendship once he gets serious with someone else. Not very many women are ok with ex-wives.. We have three kids and I know we always have to be involved one way or another.
Just wondering if it is possible I guess...

My ex and I were always friends. I strive now for something along the lines of being really good acquaintences as far as our personal lives go, and co-parents is a good term for what we are. I really try and limit discussions of "how are you doing" and "what's new" because those can just muddy the waters as far as I'm concerned. We talk just as much about dd as we used to, but we limit our discussions to things that concern her. We talk twice a day during the week and not usually on the weekends, but our converstations are stricly to let the other person know she's dropped off at school and she's picked up from school (and in the evenings we give the other parent a chance to talk to her, if she wants to). Occasionally we will have a converstation on the status of work or our relationships since we are committed to staying near each other so we can always make joint custody work for dd, but past that, personal talk is off limits. We didn't get this way overnight, it was a process and it took months to find the right balance. Occasionally my ex still wants to share too much information (complain about his boss or whatever) and I try and cut it off, change the topic or end the conversation.
Sure... it's possible AND a good thing, especially when kids are involved (and any new parnters for you or him will just have to understand that if you two wanted to be married, you would still be.... and that getting along and communicating well is good for the kids).
I think it's great..... sometimes we're much better "friends" than partners.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I have to say that it is possible but it won't happen overnight. I have been D from my first H for over 13 years and in the last few years we have gotten back to being good friends (and we do talk about his GF's, etc.). Right now my XH is one of my biggest supporters with what I am going thru and has been a tremendous help (even long distance) with DS. He even calls me at work or on my cell phone a few times a week to see how I am. By DS seeing his father and I getting along so good and his father checking on me it makes him feel good to know that to some extent his dad and I still both care about each other and are friends. It also makes DS secure in knowing that his dad is there for support. DS and I have actually talked about it a little and I explained that his father and I have been friends since grade school so that friendship will never stop. It also is good for DS (and also my DD from this H) to see that all the bitterness that is suffered thru a D can be healed.
Hang in there and know that as long as you want the friendship to work it can.