relationship with ex after divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
relationship with ex after divorce
21
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 8:03am
Do any of you have a better relationship with your ex now that you are divorced? My husband keeps saying things like "Even though we are divorced, we can still hang out together" or "we still need to be there for each other emotionally". He also frequently brings up the fact that many couples, after several years of divorce, actually get back together again! Is it possible to be best friends after your marriage has failed? I keep thinking that if we wanted those things we should still be married! People GET MARRIED to have someone to lean on, to spend time with,etc - they don't get divorced to get those things with the same person!
This is all so confusing!
Another question - did anyone agree to divorce only because their spouse wanted it - not you? My husband suffers from low self esteem and depression and I realy feel that this is just one more thing in a long list of things that he tries to make himself happy. The new truck didn't do it, the new job didn't do it so now maybe a divorce will make him happy.
(because I can't). I'm worried that I'm going to be divorced but still married to the man!
Any insight or suggestions?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 2:24am

Well, here I was looking for just this topic! Hope my ramblings help!

My ex reappeared all of a sudden a couple of days ago, asking if I thought we might ever get back together (of course, he says, no promises). I'm like, ugh, but then again, there's always that pull of the familiar, even if it's something that was definitely not good.

But, geez, I'm still paying for the divorce that I got so that he could go off with the OW!! Up until about 36 hours ago, it was all crap all the time (theft, fraud, cheating, bad judgement with the children, etc.) and then BAM, "oh, hey, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened, whaddaya think?"

I just don't know WHAT to think, except to be paranoid about what his motivations could possibly be: does he want to get his taxes lower again? did the OW dump him? did he dump her/them? is there a job promotion or transfer pending that wouldn't work out unless he were married? did his family (who were always part of the pattern of abuse) suddenly all disappear and he feels alone? is he hoping to have more disposable income (for his stuff) by pooling our resources again? is he setting me/the kids up for an elaborate joke in poor taste?

As you can imagine, although I have struggled to reconcile the hurt, anger, disappointment, humiliation, sheer exhaustion (from working three jobs to support the kids he ditched along with me), I still have feelings of distrust toward this man...this man that I do not recognize as the man I fell in love with so long ago and married and had three kids with. Who is he, and what does he want from us now?

Also, I still have that hope of meeting a nice guy, a good guy, who will be there for me and stand up for me and appreciate me and blah, blah, blah, all the things we hope for in a good relationship that I never had with the ex and that I had to witness him doing for the OW. Hell, he goes to the places I used to beg him to go to but with her, he does charity work like I used to beg him to do with me--with her, he even chews gum and likes dogs now (we used to have endless arguments about my dog being on the couch)...what is UP with this guy now?

And now, without saying why or what happened, he wants me to entertain the notion of someday somehow maybe, no promises, possibly in the future, getting back together??

Ok, what was your question again? :)

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