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| Wed, 06-07-2006 - 4:21pm |
Sorry I haven't posted much lately... the last few months have been a whirlwind.
Anyway, we went to court last Thursday, and even though the child custody eval stated that STBX has a manipulative/controlling/bullying personality type and is susceptible to addiction, the judge disregarded it. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with giving STBX 50-50 custody. In his chambers the judge told the two attorneys that Armenian men have been historically dominant for over 1000 years, and Armenian women have been historically submissive for over 1000 years, and he can't change that (yes, we're both Armenian). So, STBX gets kids every Wed after school to Thurs morning and alternating weekends from Friday after school to Monday morning. When our DS starts Kindergarten in Fall 2007, his alternating weekends will increase to Thurs-Mon. And, he'll go to the same school as our DD. She gets to stay in the school she's currently enrolled in.
DS was going to pre-school close to my house. Because STBX complained about the distance, the judge ordered us to find a pre-school between our two homes (we live about 25 miles apart), even though he drives over here to pick up our DD from school. I feel terrible about having to change his pre-school. It's a great school, and he has his little friends, and he really likes it there.
STBX claims he's losing money this year and had to borrow $31,000 to keep his business going. His attorney said after all his expenses, he only has $150 left each month, so the judge temporarily set support at $150/month until our next hearing in November.
In the judge's chambers, his attorney complained that I said no to swimming and soccer this summer, which I never did. My attorney said that it was the first he heard of this, and if I did say no, I had a good reason. I told my attorney that STBX and I were in the middle of choosing dates for swimming lessons this summer, I never said no, and I didn't bother to tell my attorney, because I didn't think it was info he needed to know. And, he never asked me about soccer. The judge just told us to work it out... which is what I thought we were doing.
My attorney brought up that STBX was married before but never divorced. Of course, STBX said it wasn't him, even though all the information on the certificate is correct, and his signature is on it. The judge made no decision on this, and said it'll be brought up the next time we meet.
No decision on proceeds from the sale of the house either.
What really bugs me is that I haven't badmouthed STBX in front of the kids, whereas he frequently makes negative remarks about me to the kids...
...he uses them as his messenger, instead of just talking to me...
...he ignores me and is rude to me in front of the kids...
...the custody eval totally showed me as a caring, loving mom who's trying to do the right thing, and it showed him as the bully that he is...
...he's lied throughout our whole relationship and is lying now through the divorce. I guess if he lied to me when he loved me, why wouldn't he lie now that he hates me...
...etc. etc. etc...
... and I thought the truth would prevail once we went to court. But I guess not.
Sorry this is so long, and thanks for letting me vent.

Wow, I have to say Im surprised. I feel for you as I can imagine how you feel. What really baffles me is that the judge ordered you to change your child's preschool. How could he do that. Why should your child be uprooted from school. That really scares me. My ex and I had our 1st meetings with the forensic evaluator over the last two weeks and they felt that my ex could benefit from counseling, that he showed anger issues, I tried to show every willingness to cooperate with him but expressed how he was making it almost impossible. That and the fact that we live far apart, me in bklyn and ex in queens I was hoping the judge would deny my ex the joint custody he wants. But with what you said now Im really scared. What the heck is up with this judge? What city are you in? How could he disregard the custody evaluators? Did you ask your lawyer. Do your children have a lawyer?
Hang in there. I will pray for you.
Thanks for the good thoughts, luvred and Steph. I was pretty surprised, and my lawyer was too. After meeting in court, I felt like I needed some time away from this, so I haven't contacted my lawyer, but I was thinking of asking him about some kind of appeal or change of venue.
I live in California and was required to take a PACT class (Parents and Children Together), which was conducted by the court. During the class, we were told that judges don't care about what the mom or dad want, they only look at what's best for the child, so I was totally blown away by his decisions, since they don't seem as if they are in the best interest of the kids.
My kids don't have a lawyer - they're only 4 & 6 right now. I never thought about getting a separate lawyer for them and couldn't afford it anyway.
luvred, I hope the judges in NY are more reasonable than the one I have in CA. I wish you the very best.
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