Reverse Psychology?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Reverse Psychology?
11
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 6:18pm

The ex has given me a hard time about my work schedule and my alternate childcare plans when he can't/won't take them. I finally said enough is enough and told him that if he feels that I'm not parenting good enough that he can take custody of them during the week and I'll continue every other weekend and will be with them after school on my days off.

He said he would have to think about it during this next scheduling period. I'm not sure how to read this. He seemed agreeable, but not giving me a definate answer. This is definatly not the way I want it, but he's on my back constantly. I've totally given up, let go of the reins.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 11:58pm

Well, by giving him the reins.... you've sort of put him in a position to really think about the bigger picture... and that's a good thing.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 12:18pm
I think that I'm going to hire a lawyer and see what my rights are. He seems to think that the judge is going to make me choose to have my kids or give up my job for one that has "banker's hours". As it stands right now I'm supposed to hire a sitter for longer hours and he's not going to help pay. So if I quit my job I'll take a cut in pay, if I hire a sitter because he doesn't want them on my work days then I'll lose money. Either way it affects the kids' lifestyle. I'm the main breadwinner for them and make sure they have haircuts and shoes and clothes and health insurance so for me to leave my job would greatly affect the kids. His job is largly seasonal and he's self employed so at any time he could lose his livelyhood. When the economy is bad people don't build houses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 3:16pm

That's a good idea.... even if you don't "hire" an attorney right now, consulting with one is definitely advisable (and usually you can just pay a flat fee for a consultation.... sometimes they'll credit that fee toward a retainer if you retain them).


I do think that a judge will take a look at what your job brings to the table and tell STBX to take a hike with his crazy thoughts..... consistency, good pay and insurance.... STBX will most likely be told that he'd better come up with a way to accommodate child care or HE'LL have to pay for it.


Let us know what happens next.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 6:34am

Actually last night I came up with a fabulous idea while spending "date night" housecleaning. LOL

I am going to ask him if I could have them Wed, Thur, and he can have them Mon, Tuesdays and then of course we alternate Fridays with our weekend. That way it's perfectly even and the kids have something more predictable. I can get Wednesdays and Thursdays off and only have to worry about someone picking my youngest up from childcare every other Friday and she can take the bus from my sister's if need be! Ta daaaaaaaaaaaaa

I sent an email off to my ex with that suggestion and kind of hinted that my "lawyer" came up with it. This could keep us from having to go back to mediation and nobody loses money or time with the kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 8:25am

You know I'm right there with you about the frustration with the work schedule and the ex!


That sounds like a really good idea. I hope he's

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 10:48am

For him too he can't seem to let go of the past and keeps bringing it up while we are going through all this. He knows that this job is what I've work so hard to get and he wants to take it away. I really do have it all, a great job that allows me to support myself and the kids and I am maintaining the house on my own, something that he can't do because his job is so unsteady. He's trying to make things as difficult as possible which is what he vowed almost 2 years ago.

I sent him the email with my proposal and I'm anxiously waiting to hear back. I have to approach the powers that be where I work to request Wednesdays and Thursdays off which I don't think will be a problem considering they've been giving me Tuesdays and Fridays off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 10:52am
You know, I just don't get it! Your job allows his children to be well cared for, have a decent home, etc. Why would he want to potentially ruin that? It's not like you're asking him to drive to the ends of the earth or do something outrageous....just be a little flexible with the schedule!




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 4:22pm

Because it affects his personal life. He fails to see that having joint custody of kids means that you don't get what you want 100% of the time. He's got more of a personal life than I do because I prefer to have my kids when I'm not working.

But at any rate, he is ok with my proposal for a new custody agreement and isn't giving me a hard time about wanting some kid free time during my vacation. We'll see how long this little Utopia lasts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 10:53pm
Well let us know what his response is..... and GOOD LUCK!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 7:02am

He seems ok with it and we're going to start the "new" arrangement after this scheduling period ends. I put in requests to have every Wed, Thurs off. She said she would "try" to accomodate but made no promises. Sigh...... I offered to take call a day a week and offered to work an extra shift on July 4th, so it's not like I'm just take, take, taking. She's been pretty good about giving me Tuesdays and Fridays for the last year so we'll see how it goes. If I have to make other arrangements once in a while I can.

I have a feeling though that he's just going to find something else to be pi$$y about. He was rude to one of my friends for helping me clean up my yard last weekend. I think it was bothering him to see me out in the yard doing stuff that he always did such as burning brush and raking. That was usually his "thing".

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