The ring is off ... now what?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 08-11-2007 - 9:55pm |
I wore my wedding ring for several months after stbx announced he wanted a divorce because I didn't want the divorce. I wasn't foregoing my vows. It was important to me.
So, a few weeks ago he finally said something so appallingly awful about me that I finally decided *I* didn't want to be married to someone who could think that way about me. Took the ring off.
Here's the thing -- I have this permanent indentation around my finger; a tan line also. All the mindless habits I had, like tapping my hand on the car window frame (and hearing the clink of my ring), are suddenly jarring.
I am thinking of buying a beautiful ring to replace my wedding band.
Has anyone else done something like that?
I don't want to give any false impressions that I am still married or engaged, but I really don't like the empty spot that matches the hole left in my life.
So, what did you do?
M

Pages
I used a different ring, sporadically, to wear on my left ring finger to transition from wearing my wedding rings all the time to now, when I rarely wear a ring... some of them were bands, which could have been perceived as a wedding band, others included stones...
Do what works for you... a different ring could be the answer to some of these things...
Julie
I cannot believe someone else is experiencing the exact same thing I am. My fingers with their indentations look so bare, and a few nights ago, some acquaintances were admiring one another's diamonds. I no longer have any, and it was my first taste of what it will be like to be viewed as a single person. Sometimes I am tempted to put on my rings, just to feel some sense of familiarity again. Unfortunately, no ring will bring back what I have lost.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope that when the time is right, you find a new ring and new experiences to fill your heart. Hugs.
Hugs back to you!
There is more to it than the rings, hunh? They are/were symbols of so much more as they were intended to be.
Yep, awkward moments as a "single" person. Strangers notice and accord me different reactions based on my status.
Sigh.
M
I *just* had one of my "engagement" rings (one that EX gave to me the Christmas before we divorced... and financed--I got the bill!) made into a fab "right hand ring"... and my original ring I had the stone set in a pendant with stones of the same size that are my birthstone, and the birthstones of my children.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi M - Thought I would drop by for a visit and here you are! Like others here, I started wearing another ring - a birthstone, on my left hand just so I wouldn't feel so bare. I added a similar one to my right hand. When I am ready...I am going to have a 'right-hand' diamond ring made out of my wedding rings.
I know it felt strange at first but now, a few months later, I have a stronger feeling of confidence and independence. It no longer bothers me to not be wearing it.
Hang in there M
Rose
Hi Rose!
Glad to see you still drop by!
Hope everything and everyone are continuing to do as well as you last reported!
My girls are doing surprisingly well although there are some chinks in the armour every once in awhile.
Lots of transitioning left to do (stbx very slow to move his stuff out of the house and settlement not finalized).
Email my privately if you'd like -- would love an update on you!
M
Nymava
I can't believe that I saw this post when I turned the computer on. Today when I was driving to work my stbx called and wanted to know when we , incl. my son, could talk, I told him the lawyers would be talking from now on and to leave me alone. Then I happened to look at my hand, Maybe doing that unconscious tapping or something, and realized that I still had on my wedding ring, and that over the 30 years I've worn it, my fingers have gotten fatter, and joints slightly swollen, any way there was no way to just slip it off. I work in a manufacturing plant, and just asked a couple of good friends if they knew how I could get it off. I only have a narrow wedding band because about 20 years ago my stbx ripped my diamond off my finger and broke the setting so I couldn't wear it. Don't worry, I have the diamond now, a beaautiful 1 1/3 carat heart shape. One of the guys overheard me and went down into the plant (I work in the office) and got some kind of bolt or wire cutter. I cut it off then and there. I felt a little bad, such an inauspicous place and time, but I just wanted it off. I did feel slightly sad tho. Even though I know what I'm doing is right, even though he has put me through so much, when I accepted it I certinly expected to be buried with it. But it has made me stronger too, and more determined to rescue my son from the dark pit, and move forward with a new and joyful life. That last remaining tie is gone and I am free to choose a better path. I may put another ring on but for now, I think I'll just get used to being me, without an anchor on a short scope pulling me under.
Anyway, it was amazing to see this post today!
Wow! That is kinda amazing. I am sorry you are having to let go after such a long commitment, but I do understand, based on your previous posts.
Interesting that other's have those unconscious habits that remind them of their rings -- never thought of it at the time, but when I didn't hear the sound I was really made aware of the change it symbolized.
Blessings to you as you try to take care of yourself and your son.
M
Pages