The ring is off ... now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
The ring is off ... now what?
12
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 9:55pm

I wore my wedding ring for several months after stbx announced he wanted a divorce because I didn't want the divorce. I wasn't foregoing my vows. It was important to me.

So, a few weeks ago he finally said something so appallingly awful about me that I finally decided *I* didn't want to be married to someone who could think that way about me. Took the ring off.

Here's the thing -- I have this permanent indentation around my finger; a tan line also. All the mindless habits I had, like tapping my hand on the car window frame (and hearing the clink of my ring), are suddenly jarring.

I am thinking of buying a beautiful ring to replace my wedding band.

Has anyone else done something like that?

I don't want to give any false impressions that I am still married or engaged, but I really don't like the empty spot that matches the hole left in my life.

So, what did you do?

M

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 11:09am

Like you, I did not want the divorce. And for over a year I wore the diamond anniversary band he gave me 10 months before we split on my right hand. Last year I finally realized that I was holding onto something I could never have again so I took the diamonds out of the band and had an amazing right-handed ring made . It's been two+ years since my divorce was finalized and it still feels weird not having wedding rings on...and at first I wore a ring that a friend gave me so that I didn't feel like something was missing... now I don't wear any rings on my left hand... and yes, people react differently. But like other posters have said... it's not really about the rings at all.

{{hugs}}

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 1:21pm

M,

I had the same problem. I was married for 11 years and it's been a year since I removed my ring. The indentation is still slightly noticable if you look closely at my hand. At first, it was glaring!

I thought about getting another ring, but I opted to let the indentation go away on it's own...symbolic of letting him go, KWIM? You can't get over a marriage in a day, and the ring is no different. I still look at my hand and think somethings missing, I was so used to wearing it 24/7.

I look at it as a battle scar...one battle I'm glad is over.

 

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