Roll Call! We haven't done this...
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Roll Call! We haven't done this...
| Sun, 08-06-2006 - 3:46pm |
in a while! Lurkers, please come out of hiding, too. Anything you want to share...age, location, kids (if any) and how far you are along in the divorce process.


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Hey there,
I'm Leslye, in North Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. I'm 32, my divorce has been final less than a year, since September 2005. I separated just over two years ago, June 2004. In my province you have to legally wait a year before you can file the divorce.
I am now trying to re-build my life, and I don't have children. I tend to lurk more than anything now... I'm back temporarily to deal with some baggage I just discovered from my ex...
Good luck, everyone!
Hi
I was divorced in May -- but we are still waiting for him to provide the court ordered info on his retirement assets. We stopped him withdrawing the main account just in time, by freezing it - but still not done. I have 2 dds and we had the custody battle from h***. My x is mentally ill, I'm not being funny or sarcastic, at the time the quack he was seeing thought it was "just" bipolor disorder with frequent episodes of mania, but now he has had a complete break and I have heard through the grapevine that they are thinking schizophrenia (which is what i thought originally). x has only seen the kids 2x since the divorce. We had to hire a custody evaluator and he has one week night and eow with no overnights, just day time visits on his saturday and sunday. My divorce was filled with drama that would have made a great movie, LOL. The big issue for me right now is that on top of all this I got laid off in June and I am waiting to see if I get rehired, I am a teacher. This is the big stress in my life. I like to read the boards and sometimes post. It is good to connect with people going through some of the same issues.
Tina
I live in Wisconsin and teach at a university there. Two girls: one is 19 and living semi-on her own, the other is almost 9. Just moved into the condo of a friend's mom who is gone until September (on the advice of our marriage counselor) because ever since I initiated this "I don't want to be married to you any more" thing in January, I have been harassed almost constantly at home, getting hardly any sleep there. I actually slept in my office while my 9-year old was visiting the g'parents last month because home sucked. No place to hide. He has become nasty since we started marriage counseling, including accusing me of sleeping with my students! Idiot...
I signed a 10-month lease on an apartment for 9/2, and I am loving living alone so far. We take turns having the 9-year old sleep at our places, but I am sure to see her every day. I am trying not to be overwhelmed by guilt about what I am putting my daughter through, because I really do think that living miserably in this marriage would NOT be a good model for her, but H makes "guilt-free" difficult since he doesn't want this. I used to feel badly for him, but now I'm just mad because of the mean things he has said, and I have let him say due to my guilt about initiating this. I really want a divorce and for us to co-parent amicably, but I don't know if he can or will ever be nice about things.
I plan not to get married again as I think I am just too independent, but I would love to have a relationship again some day, and SEX :) only with someone more my type and not just my first bf from high school who knocked me up... ;)
I lurk a lot, but I learn a lot from it. Thanks for those who share. This board, and my friends who all support me, make this a little easier. But there are still days...
My thanks for doing a roll call. Fascinating, encouraging, and an emotioinal roller coaster to read everyone's story. Here's mine.
I am the odd bird here being male, living in suburban Detroit. Age 54 was married 25 years to a woman who is harsh, critical, and controlling. I stayed far too long with her, trying everything to keep it together. Counselling on and off for fifteen years. She so criticized me in everything, that I stopped approaching her for intimacy hoping it mattered enough to her that we would talk about it. Twelve years later it still never has. Believing marriage was forever and because I always wanted to be able to tell our wonderful daughter (now 20) that I never cheated on her mother, I remained faithful.
The last five years I lived in the basement of our home. I tried to tell her in any way that seemed safe it would end in divorce, but she never believed I would actually file. While never physically so, with the aid of a mental health professional referred by my attorney (as I hesitantly had begun discussing divorce), I finally realized I was in an abusive relationship, and had to take action to save my life. So four weeks ago I filed and a couple days later moved out to a little town house apartment.
What has happened has surprised me. I told a friend yesterday that each day that passes, I feel better and better. I don't like being alone, and the financial strictness of life now and worse what is likely to come in a financial settlement. BUT I love coming and going without giving any reports(!!) and without having to justify everything I say, eat, drink, wear, listen to, watch on tv, people I talk with.........I feel happy and free for the first time in years.
I am attempting to rediscover my own personality after having it submerged for so long. It has been gratifying as well in a couple instances to enjoy a dinner with a couple lady friends to realize that the day may come again when I experience the thrill of attraction and being attractive.
No minor kids so divorce COULD be final in as soon as five more weeks. First settlement conference in two weeks and while hopeful am expecting it not to go very well--my STBX in her late 50s with limited financial future. I do want her to be ok financially but am not made of money. My attorney predicts four or five more months. I just want to get it over with and still have a few nickels left over!
This board provides me hope and a place for empathy in common struggles and uniquely a meaningful insight into how women in particular feel these things. I hold what I read here delicately and as a confidant. Women, thank you for allowing me to experience this.
Rediscovering
I agree!
I bought my Mom a coffee mug that says on it " A House Is Made Of Bricks And Beams, A Home Is Made Of Hopes And Dreams"
I really like that phrase, especially when ex would down my living space since I was living in a house trailer. I'm moving into a house my parents helped me buy. Ex is jealous because I will own a home and he won't.
K:)
Thank You for sharing.
It really is nice to have the view point of the opposite sex. Hopefully we will all gain insight from each other. Good luck on you new journey.
K:)
Dear lifesp:
Thanks for acknowledging my posting. On my arrival here I was hesitant as a male to participate, because I realized many women had a felt need for a safe place and did not want to violate that. For some that may mean "no men allowed"!! Yet I may be no more the bad person they have experienced in their marriages than they are the woman to whom I was married.
Before my first post I asked your moderator if it was ok for me to do so. I think perhaps on the positive side I can add another point of view that is nonetheless safe and supportive of the others here. I very much appreciate having been so warmly welcomed and having had so many well wishes from many participants, yourself included.
Rediscovering
Melanie 36 (for a few more weeks - lol) newly living in North Texas with my kids (11 & 8) and close to my wonderful boyfriend. It's 20 months since my ex and I seperated for the final time and 6 months since the divorce was final - honestly it feels like it was sooooo long ago! It was all a long time coming and I'd go through it all again to have the life I'm living now.
Melanie
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