Rollercoaster of emotions--vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Rollercoaster of emotions--vent
6
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 10:43am

Most days I do pretty darned well.

I have done a FABULOUS job being civil through all this. I can't believe I have to treat this &*^ (fill in blank) with courtesy when he is destroying our (my girls and me) lives. One month into my eldest's first year of school and kaboom ... my life in tatters. And six months later (april), he will be gone ... to hell with his kids ...

I am being practical and planning, gathering documents, working with lawyer (not sure when he actually starts working *for* me). Doing mediation (makes me want to puke, literally), parenting plan with child psych, still doing "couples" counseling ...

And treating him nicely??!!! I still cook the %^% dinner and do his laundry, all the while he is destroying us!

I KNOW I KNOW, it will get better; we will survive, but I am tired of just surviving. I wanted a good life for my girls, not surviving, not moving to yet a smaller house (or apartment), not losing friends because of the divorce, not scraping by, not having to go back to work and be under pressure and short-changing my kids as a result.

I know, I have said this all before and I am TRYING (and suceeding) in building a new life, but I am so outraged that he gets to get treated politely when he is inflicting such pain and turmoil for such incredibly selfish (and in many cases trivial) reasons!!!

Ok, bare with me. Some day I will be a shining example to others on the board on how to overcome! I try to encourage lots of folks here, but sometimes I need to let my pain out.

M (who is clearly not having a good day, damn him)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 11:45am

Hey~


Vent away any time.... I know how you are feeling.


Ya know... there was a point when I stopped doing his laundry.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 12:52pm

Oh I hear you , I feel the same way. I am a basket case when I am not around him but I know that I have to pull it together everytime I see him. He has hardly seen the kids and when he has it has been a few hours. We are going to start our visitation schedule next weekend we will see if he can make it all 3 days with all 3 of them (10, 7 and 3). I have also been to the lawyer and he is making everything so difficult. I am not doing his laundry but his crap is still all over my house, It is so bad that i have been staying at my parents so I dont have to look at it. I will survive and so will you. Just remember what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Good luck with everything and I hope that we both can get on with our lives soon.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:07pm

You are AWESOME. I don't know how you do it. I just feel robbed of all the joy I should be having with my kids -- ok, so there is still joy, but my days are so heavily shrouded in this blanket of misery over the impending doom. How dare he rob me and the kids of our happiness. I know, I am responsible for my own happiness, but I had it, was building it, was climbing out of those early, dependent years. Now Kablam!!!!!!

I just wish God was a vengeful God; too bad I believe He is a forgiving one.

Sigh.

Just hope I end up being a much better person for all this and my kids rise from the ashes to bloom rather than be crushed.

Thanks again!!!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 5:51pm
Mava, if he doesn't want to be married, I wouldn't give him the benefits of it...he can do his own laundry and his own cooking. You aren't his servant. Stopping that will help you feel a bit better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 10:10pm

Ok, I just have to add ...

Tonight for the fourth straight time he was late getting home (or picking me up) when I had to get to the class I am taking so I can go back to work because HE WANTS A DIVORCE!!!!!!

It is outrageous ... here I am taking this class because of his selfishness and the sob can't even get home on time so I end up being late to class again. The late pick-up left me standing in the cold and wind for over an hour!

And this will continue after the divorce!!!! Just doesn't give a rodents' bottom (translate for yourself) about anyone but himself!

Ok ... I feel better ... but, this is definitely a topic for the child psychologist/parenting plan. He has to make an absolute commitment to be on time when trading places with the kids and there have to be consequences if he continues to blow me off. Aaaaargh.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 3:09pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{{m}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I understand and i'm sorry that you are having a tough time. Just know that you are not alone in your struggle. You'll get through it and be a better, stronger woman. I am sure of it.

C,

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