rough evening

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
rough evening
14
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 9:55pm

quick synopsis: after 22 years together, 18 married (my first bf, we got pregnant at 19 and have two girls, one nearly 20 and out of the house, the other nearly nine) i decided that i deserved better and broke the news to my H in january. we have been in counseling since may, and she suggested a trial separation due to the harassment i was receiving in the house ever since we started discussing this.

most days i am ok with this separation and excited about living alone (i moved to a friend's empty condo two weeks ago and will move into my house-apartment next wknd). we trade off having our youngest daughter sleep at our places and she is doing well. still working out the details of where she will sleep when school starts.

however, tonight she is at the house with him and i am alone, and for some reason i am so incredibly SAD. i am trying to busy myself with tv and work and folding laundry, but i am having trouble pushing this sad away. i'm the one who started this and sometimes, like tonight, i just want to take it all back cuz it would be so much easier. but, i know i would be miserable every day instead of just some days. i am pretty tough for the most part, but sometimes, i just want to bawl my head off. :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: genetixgirl
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:20pm

thanks for the words of encouragement. most days are just fine, like today. just once in a while, sad just takes over...

good luck to you too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: genetixgirl
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 10:23pm

dark chocolate? oh you so know the right things to say. :) and dark chocolate has all those components that are good for you too. you can't go wrong!

i think that if we were not sad about things like this, that would not speak well of us as human beings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2006
In reply to: genetixgirl
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 11:33pm

Last weekend I went on a "sentimental journey" back to my home town and while there visited my parents' gravesite. This was important to me; they had had a 45 year marriage, solid until the day my dad died. I watched my mom grieve for five years before she followed him, now more than twelve years ago. I always wanted my marriage to be like theirs. They knew and liked my STBX, at least in the early years of our marriage, before they died.

Somehow I wanted to explain to them what had happened to my marriage. I sat on the ground at the gravesite, touching their headstones and talking to them. And honestly, genetix, I broke down and cried, not just weeping, but crying aloud for a long time, grieving the loss of my marriage that I tried so hard to save.

It was like a purging. It brought forth huge emotion that I had bottled up a long time. And since then I feel better about it all. So let that sadness express itself in any way that is not unhealthy. You'll be better off in the end.

Rediscovering

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: genetixgirl
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 11:59pm
yeah, i think i need to plan some night for a good cry so it doesn't happen at these inopportune times (driving along in broad daylight, walking down the hall to my office, etc.). maybe rent a sad movie or re-read kite runner. it's the sad that sneaks up on me that i hate.

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