Ruth, how are you doing??
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Ruth, how are you doing??
| Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:23am |
Hey there, I think I can speak for several of us here when I say you've been in our thoughts this weekend. How did your talk go? Are you okay?
Melanie

Does this ever end? Does it get better? I'm so tired of the roller coaster. I'm tired of not knowing his plans. Another first happened last night. He was in a rotten mood as I was getting ready for bed. I told him goodnight and he called me over and hugged me. I headed towards my room and heard him yelling at one of our cats. When I got in bed I thought with a relief that I won't always have to put up with that. It hurts to say that I will enjoy that.
I will keep you posted. How are things at your place? How do you do it? Do I have to start disliking him if I'm going to get through this without falling apart?
Wow...... I hate the medicine excuse.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I think that when we get this close to the end of our ropes.... we want to see progress... and sometimes progress isn't that visual.
Don't beat yourself up.... you're making progress whether you can see it or not... and in the end, when you know that you did everything right.... you'll be able to look back and say "I wouldn't have done anything differently because now, I'm sure I'm sure".
I beat myself up for a long time because I procrastinated and drug my feet for so long.... kept hearing and taking excuses.... kept giving chances.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Oh Hon, it's okay. You sound like you're in the same pattern I was in. He'd do something rude or inconsiderate, I'd get angry and then I'd end up apologizing when it was his deal all along and my frustration and anger was very normal for the crap I was putting up with. You will feel so much better when you are in control, keep in mind each time he disappoints you you will become stronger and more aware of what you want and need. From my experience it does get better and end when you know what you want and seek it. When I realized that I would rather be alone than put up with this behavior any more is when I knew I was ready. You may need a few more episodes like this to be ready or you may have had enough already. It's hard, I know. I dealt with this for YEARS on and off and the depression situation is really difficult. I don't understand what it is to feel depressed, but I think that often my stbx uses it as a crutch and an excuse to get whatever he wants at the time. Hang in there and keep us updated.
Melanie
Hey there, your reply got buried and I just found it! Oh I still totally understand what you're going through! Just last year when he left in a huff and I sat there feeling joy and relief I never for one second thought we'd be getting back together. Days later he called and told me he'd had a spiritual awakening and he wanted to meet with me. Honestly, I was so scared to meet with him. He was never ever violent, but I just didn't trust him anymore. I had a friend watch the kids and I left a note on my dresser stating that just in case he hurt or killed me that I wanted to have a certain UU minister do the service. Of course his motives were postitive and I took him back. We had a nice talk and he stayed at the hotel for over a week more and then I felt ready to have him back. I made him woo me, but you know it was just a couple of months later and it was all back again. By then he'd started a night job at Target and he blamed his moods and lack of interest in the family on long difficult hours. I accepted his excuses and kept it all together until this last time.
Sometimes I would watch him spiral into depression or rage and wonder why I never got the opportunity to have a bad day. Why I could work 10-12 hours a day with children (and my own children who come to work with me) and why then when I came home I needed to care for an adult and clean up his messes. I'd just had enough and when I was angry he tried to turn it and make me apologize and I told him I wouldn't. Then I told him I was unhappy with the situation and he basically told me too bad, this is the way he is and I'm stuck with him. If I don't like it I'd better call a divorce attorney and it hit me and I saw my doorway and told him I thought perhaps I would call a divorce attorney (I know one from work). He tried to backpedal and told me that I would ruin my kids' lives and I again realized that no, he was going to ruin their lives if we stayed married. I had an actual physical feeling of seperation from him. It was very weird. I'm sorry this has turned into a book about me, but I think our stories are so similar, mine just spans over 17 years and two kids. You will get strong enough to stand, I did.
Melanie