Sad, even though I want the divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Sad, even though I want the divorce
10
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 4:14pm

Is it normal to feel sad and depressed over the divorce I wanted? It makes me very confused. I was angry for so long but now that it's settling in I am just sad about it. I loved this person very much but they just never heard me. I mentally gave up a couple of years ago before I finally decided to let go in real life too. I fell in love with another person but I am still sad over losing my best friend. How do I cope? Is this normal to go through? Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Tue, 07-26-2011 - 10:20pm
There is the normal grieving process similar to death. It is very nornal to feel sad or depressed over divorce even if you initiated. Just be careful of jumping into a new relationship without healing from this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2010
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 7:49am

I guess I moreso feel sad about all of the pain I caused. My family is let down. Friends. It hit very hard on my family. My ex is distraught and tried for over a year to fix things. But it was too late. The years had already made its mark. If my ex had only put in this much effort years ago things would have been fine. Why does it always seem to happen that way? People become complacent or they for whatever reason at the time don't feel like it's important enough to listen. When it's too late is when they decide they want to do something about it.

How do I get over the feeling of failure? The feeling of being responsible for the pain caused to those around me? It hurts me the most to know how hurt my family is over this. And to know my ex has to start over, alone. I know in the end everyone will be ok, but for now, its hard to see past

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 8:46am

its been 1 year since my STBX filed. We both wanted the divorce, but me so more than him. I, like you has already met someone else. I am still with that person, but struggle a year later to remember why exactly I left, and were things really that bad in my marriage, etc. I know my mind is playing tricks on me because my marriage was very bad, but the guilt makes it hard for me to move on. I finally made an appointment to go talk to a counselor on Monday- i suggest you try that too. I'd have to say what you feel is totally normal, but talking to someone impartial helps. I can't exactly tell my boyfriend whats bothering me at times, for ex: when the Yankees were in the playoffs last year I wanted to be on the couch with my family- I let the kids go to watch with their Dad and I was home alone. When my BF got home, he didnt know why I was so moody. It's tough to say I miss family life to him. My sister always tells me not to 2nd guess myself. Accept my decisons and move on from there. Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Wed, 07-27-2011 - 11:04am

I'm in a similar place right now, though most of my problems center around codependency. But I understand the sadness. If you are not seeing a therapist, I highly, highly recommend it. Having someone on the outside help you sort out and understand your feelings can be a tremendous help and comfort. Don't go it alone if you don't have to. You had to do what you needed to for YOU and as you fully start to understand what that means in its entirety, it will become easier for you to deal with the feelings of those surrounding you. Only you have walked in your shoes and not everyone will understand the decisions you have made, but when you start to find your own peace, everything else will start falling into place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Thu, 07-28-2011 - 5:06am
Yes....it is normal...we grieve just like we do when someone dies...It doesn't matter who initiated the procedures... At the beginning you were in love or you would have never married. Loosing that is like death...Allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself time. It will pass, just don't try to rush it. Be happy!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2011
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 9:45am

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2011
Sat, 08-06-2011 - 6:06pm

Hello everyone,

I am new here and I can relate to this topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 1:11pm

Irjct,

Thank you for posting this. I can relate to every word you said. Would you mind sharing more about your personal story?

I am struggling with the same situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Thu, 08-18-2011 - 9:14am

My husband left me but I filed for the divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2005
Mon, 09-26-2011 - 4:05pm
I am going through something simliar, not quite but I feel sad as well.
I do think it's normal and it's a process to recover.
Take a couple deep breaths and realize that this to will pass.
Are you still with that other person?