sad, in need of a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
sad, in need of a friend
8
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 5:28am
well what can i say its has been a week almost since i got the news that my husband really wanted to end our 3 yr marragie. things have been really bad from both ends, im feeling mostly at fault for making bad choices. what do i do now we have a soon to be 3 yr old beautiful little girl and all i can think about is her! now im going to be a single mom can i really do this? everyone i now thinks its better off this way but is it? i mean we have a daugheter! i guess im here to meet someone like me that is going through the same feelings as myself. i cant eat sleep or think about anything but this how do you move on?? and how do i make it ok for my daughter? any thoughts out there..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:09am

ajones9980...

If you feel like talking...Pianoguy will be happy to listen! Perhaps PG can offer a male perspective that you haven't considered?

Click on my profile and send me an email.

Sorry you're grieving! But if it's any consolation...most of us who visit this board have gone through the same process AT LEAST ONCE?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 10:15am

Hi there, sad, in need of a friend.

I want to express my sympathy for what you're going through. You're probably feeling rejected since your husband is the one who wants the divorce. Please, try not to beat yourself up about the decisions you made. Everything is a learning experience and maybe this situation you're in is a cosmic reminder that life evolves in ways we CANNOT always expect. I'm sorry you're feeling shocked and hurt, and I hope time will heal your pain.

Congratulations on having a precious daughter, albeit 3 years ago! Try to remember as long as she has 2 parents who love her, she WILL survive; and survive feeling loved. Also, keep in mind that the younger the children are when a divorce happens, the less trauma they will feel from it.

I am also going through a divorce and my situation is not exactly the same, but it is still horribly painful. I have three children who are preteens. So, everything that goes on, they hear about it and pick up on all the anger, sadness, bitterness, frustration... etc.

They are also at the age where their lives are being interrupted by this break-up. Their school might be changed, they have to hop around from his place to my place, etc. And my kids love their home! They are comfortable there and are not looking forward to all this moving around.

Anyhow, I wanted to send you a note to try and encourage you to keep your head up and KNOW the pain WILL pass, as ALL things do. Including marriages ... *virtual hug, sis*

~Mrs.Smith2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 11:57am

Girl i am goin throught the exact same thing. About 2 weeks ago my hasband of 3 1/2 years who i thought i have a very good relationship with left me- 5 months pregnante with his daughter and with our 3 year old son. He just said he didnt love me like i loved him and it wasn't fair for him to keep doing that to me. so i have been driving my self crazy trying to figure out what the hell i did that was so wrong i could just make him stop loveing me. and there is nothing i did i think he is just goin through a hard time and this is how he is dealing with it. But it sucks sooo bad. He already is seing someone a week later. its so eaisy for guys to turn off there feelings. andi know he cares bc he cries when he see's our son because he dosnt want to leave him. i dont know what to tell you except hopefully it will get eaiser or they will realize what they are leaving behind for nothing.

i feel ya! Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 12:27pm
Last week when I thought I could not continue this. I found my lawyer had lied to me about a hearing and tried to extort money from me to pay my husbands lawyer - a dear old friend sent me an angle that says - a mother's love endures through all. It has carried me another week. I know that my 3 children could not have achieved what they have done without my support and love. Your 3 year old will know the same. Believe in yourself because she believes in you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 4:21pm
I am in the same situation, except that I don't have any kids. I do not have any immediate family where I am; the only family here are his, and he's not that close to them. I am having trouble getting him to sit down and tell me whether or not he wants to stay in this marriage; he would rather leave me sitting here by myself night after night while he goes out drinking, to a friend's house, whatever. I feel isolated and trapped. I have been attempting to reach my family back home, but no response yet. I am at my wit's end...unable to sleep (2 hours since the night before last!), nervous, upset...he was gone from Saturday morning at 8 am until Sunday morning, then when he walked in the house, he said he came back "just to tell me goodbye"...came home from work yesterday to check the mail (another obsession of his), asked how long supper would be, then told me he was going to a friend's house - *and that he would be back*; I haven't seen or heard from him since. He questions who I have been talking to, even to go so far as to ban me from carrying a cell phone (which I had mainly in case of an emergency), yet he has no trouble confiding in HIS friends. I am hoping to get him to tell me TODAY whether or not he wants to make "us" work again; if not, there's no use beating a dead horse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 5:02pm
I know its hard...I am 10 weeks from finding out that my husband up and abandon our marriage of just over 2 years...I know its hard to eat and sleep I promise it gets better...It takes time...Just remember to think of yourself and your daughter first and foremost...He is a the one that is gonna loose out here...You will be fine you need to now focus on what you want for you and your daughters future...That will help alot in this situation...I know its hard...Find something that will make you and only you happy at this point...You deserve it...And if you need it go find some sort counseling which will be good for you at this point...Hugs...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 10:19pm
Oh gosh girls - it pains me to see so many of us going through the same thing. The pain is the same, the grieving is the same, the loneliness is the same. My husband left our home almost 2 months ago after 6 years of marriage. We have a 2 year old daughter and I'm 6 months pregnant with a baby we planned together. His excuse in the beginning was that he just wasn't in love with me anymore. I was head over heels for him still so it was the same sort of shock that you are all going through. In the past two months I have found out some horrible truths about infidelity, chatting, sexual issues that I had no clue about. It wasn't until today that I could say that my marriage is done. I have spent the past two months, crying every day, being a basket case and experiencing every emotion a person can have in a day. I've fought for therapy for my husband to no avail.
My point is that we all reach a point when we know it's over, it won't be because you've stopped loving him or stopped being in love. It will be a point when you know that you deserve better than they can offer, especially if they are so self-absorbed as my husband has become.
My prayers and thoughts go out to each and every one of you. I feel your pain, I feel your sleepless nights and those terrible thoughts you have at the start of each day. You are not alone. And if any of you need a shoulder I am here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 1:25pm
What the heck is with these Men...I am so sorry your 6 months pregnant...Now that is not right...I am so lucky I never had children with my something a rather...But still it does not help the pain any less...My husband wanted me to ask my counselor if he was obligated to stay in married because of the committement of the marriage and she said to me that yes he is and he should work it out but he said to me that he consider me as part of his past and he is done with me...I am like WTF...And how he does not want to answer to anyone anymore...I am like hmmm that is gonna be hard especially if he is employeed...(Rolling Eyes)...And how he wants to be friends with me after the Divorce...I am like how can I trust him anymore I really dont want anything to do with him anymore cause he up and abandons our marriage like he did...
I am hoping that there is still the right guy waiting out there for me...As I have plans of moving on...I am now looking toward my future...Sort of...I want to finish my education which is nursing at Arizona State University...
My Mom does not understand what I am going thru as she was married to my Dad until he died and she never went thru a divorce...So she truly does not understand what I am going thru...Some points thru all this she says to me "Go out with him and show him what he is missing" when I can not deal with him on the phone because of the Emotional, Verbal, Mental Abuse he is now putting me thru not to say the Mind Games and Belitting...This is not the guy that I married...He is now a total something a rather...
Well, I am done de-stressing here for a bit...Feel free to respond and OMG I can not wait to be free from him...Thanks for reading and being there for me and I will be there for you...