Sad today

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sad today
9
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 7:53pm
Today has been a hard day for me. The kids are at there dads and I found out my stbx is dating someone and he moved more of his stuff out today. We seperated in April but he left most of his stuff behind. Just can not believe he has moved on this fast. It was bad for 6 years and I wanted this too but I cann't even think about someone else yet. It makes me feel like I just didn't matter at all. Has anyone else felt this way?
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 8:41pm

Sure... many of us have been right where you are... right now... and we've gotten through it and you will too...

One thing I would suggest, as my now xh moved out and then moved his stuff out very slowly over way too many months, is to get him to get his stuff out by x date or you will sell it at a yard sale/donate it to good will or something... if he's out, he's out and one of the hardest things I had to deal with during our separation was knowing xh had moved things out today, but not knowing what I would come home to and find missing... it is a rough adjustment, but if you only have to do it once more, it will be easier, at least in hte long run...

As for me, xh is getting married in October and I haven't really started dating yet... it will happen in time, but I'm just not ready for the complications that can come when others are involved... my life has enough drama being a mom of a 4 year old...

Good luck!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 12:45pm

Hang in there, beachgirl, it will get better. I felt exactly like you do when my stbx moved out of our house and immediately in with a new woman. It wasn't so much that he had a new woman, but I felt replaced when the kids were going to spend weekends with the two of them and doing family things together with my ex's mother.

What I have found to be very helpful is focusing on establishing MY new life. Julie is absolutely right that he needs to get all of his stuff out of your place quickly. Then you can focus on making the house your own. Although it can be very difficult, try to worry about yourself (and your kids if you have them) and not what your ex is doing. It will only eat you up inside.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 3:01pm
He has untill the end of the month to get his stuff out, but he is doing it really slowly! I thank you for your posts. I am working 7 days a week right now but this fall I plan to work on making the house feel more like me. I feel like I did better this spring than I am doing right now emotionally. For whatever reason I am really on an up and down ride right now. Maybe it is because I am so tired. Thanks again.
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 9:41pm

Good... I'm glad to hear there is an end in sight... that was definitely a hard part, just never knowing what would be gone this time, I'm sure you know where I'm coming from...

You will have up days and down days... up times and down times and that's OK... there are times I feel so busy its hard to tell what end is up, let alone try to figure out what to do with the time I have... as you notice something you like, start bringing things in now... one of the things I was happiest to bring back were pictures of me and my friends, that had been packed up in boxes by xh at some point... just having pictures of friends, many of which are out of state and many hours away, made me feel more at peace...

Wishing you a day full of peace...

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 11:51pm
My husband moved out last week, one day after our 12th wedding anniversary. I knew it was coming, I am sure it's the best thing, but I am also very very sad, and my kind idolize their father. I want them to keep a good relationship with their dad, but it makes me feel crappy, because I am the one making them go to bed, take a bath, eat their veggies,,,,,,,and dad has been taking them to do fun things. My girls are also very sad. So, I deal with my emotiona and theirs all at the same time. I know just what you are feeling. Hope your days get better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 12:29am
I can totally relate to your situation. I am also the rule enforcer for my kids. My ex only gets them on friday and Saturday nights every 2 weeks. So when he has them he is all fun. He even lets the 6 year old twins stay up untill 1 or 2 am. When they are with me they have a regular bedtime and a regular schedule. He is the fun one I am the mean one. They are waking up in the middle of the night crying and I am up with them. My oldest is 13 so he has harmones on top of the divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2006
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 1:05am
well believe it or not my 10 year old daughter is doing the hormone thing ALREADY!!!!!!!!! It is unbelieveable. I just hate feeling soooo alone in all of this, which is why I started this. How old are you? Where are you from? Do you work, or is Mommyhood your work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 9:17am
I am 38 years old and live in Maryland. What about you? How old are you and were do you live? I own my own buisness with a relative and I work 7 days a week right now. That will stop come October. I was soo very alone in the marriage for so long, but yes I still feel very alone now. I just keept praying that this feeling will end soon. My stbx isolated me from friends and family so I have no support. Reading this board has been a big help. I am hoping to meet some friends on line througgh here also. Like I said in my first post I can not even think about another guy right now but I would like to mmet some girlfrienfs to be able to do stuff with this fall. That is going to be one of my goals this fall to meet more women friends in my community. I am just not sure how to meet them. I am going to for the first time in my life focus on me and find me. "Me" got lost a long time ago. Of course my priority above finding myself is the kids. I really need to get them stable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: beachgirl2006
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 9:29am

I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but with time, these feelings will diminish. One morning you'll wake up, be most of the way through your day, and realize you haven't thought of your ex and his gf even once! For now, allow yourself to feel bad for a portion of the day. Give it 20 minutes....say twice a day. But that's it! And after a week, only allow 10 minutes, etc.


You will get through this, I promise.