A Saga, Taxes and Prayers...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
A Saga, Taxes and Prayers...
1
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 11:24am

Just a quick note to say thanks for the posts in reply to my tax filing questions...I can't tell you all how much it means even to post a quick (mine are NEVER quick-lol!) question here and get some feedback. You all are awesome and really probably don't realize how much a few posts with information or encouragement helps some of us...

I will be calling around today to get in and see someone at one of the nearest H&R Block agencies. I am so so hoping a blessing comes of this so I can just pay the lease for one more month etc. I have got to find a way to keep this apartment through the final trial...there must be a way; next court date isn't until mid March now. How his lawyer gets to keep getting delays is beyond me...this is his third lawyer in a year. Why does the judge just keep allowing continuances? Because of the busy court docket maybe? I am certain he can see some of what is going on with the game playing financially from the stbx, and certainly he can see this is high conflict, that the stbx is 'controlling' to say the very least --- why can't we just get the custody trial done....bah. I know, simplistic and immature, but the kids (and I) need closure so much.

As some here may remember, stbx and his family decided a few months after I filed initially for the divorce, that they are going to move the family business to another state so then the divorce case was changed to what is called a Move Away Custody Trial. The children were with me 80-20 for over five months primary physical, joint legal. Then we both agreed to 50-50 joint legal and joint physical. He paid about $1400.00 over the five month period, if that, even though we had a Stipulation Agreement signed by him, me, both lawyers and the judge who heard the initial request for the filing. The amount was for $2700+ a month - but he played games from the start, putting groceries on the doorstep, or giving us $300 dollars here and there, when he felt like it, as he wanted. So I took care of the children, our living expenses and the lawyers fees at that time on credit cards in my name, as the judge allowed for his request that I continue homeschooling the kids at that point or let him...so I did it, but could not obviously get a job. There was a garnishment of wages put in...didn't do much good...his parents own the company, and his mother is the accountant.

When I filed with the county Child Support Agency in August and they actually got to our case in October (!) - they informed me that they will only attempt to enforce the child support order of about $1300. per month, from May at the time we agreed to 50-50 joint physical, joint legal. They tell me the other thing called the Stipulation Agreement is not the same thing as the temporary court order, and !poof! no arrearage will be tracked for the amount he was supposed to pay during that whole first five months before we were able to even get a date for a court appearance because of how 'busy' the courts are here where we live. *Sigh. All that time I was thinking at some point he would be held accountable to give the children and I some amount of money on a regular basis at some point.

After I saw the delay tactics and his overall viciousness toward me; his repeated comments that he 'forbid me to divorce him', I agreed to joint legal and joint physical temp custody and I found a decent job so I could somehow try to support the children and I; there just wasn't much choice at that point. (No assets --- the house we were 'buying, lease to own' for over 15 years from his family suddenly became 'just a rental' -- and they sold it in a distress sale; he suddenly has/had no retirement plan at all; there are no assets beyond the two vehicles we had...so there is no other thing the court could use to have him pay the child support anyhow and there will be no settlement really upon the divorce -- lol, other than what the court assigns as the court fees and lawyers bills...)

After my six month review at my (really wonderful job which I loved) was successful and I had full benefits etc, I had requested the company look at approving me for part time hours in some position there, through the summer months. It looked good from my supervisor's point of view for the request and I submitted it to the publisher. While awaiting that request, my stbx "h's a" called there with 'urgent' messages about 'not knowing where his children were', and left voice mails after speaking first to others in my department etc. Needless to say, when the company 'suggested' that I resign until the divorce is over, I completely believe his tactics directly affected their decision to let me go.

Of course I cannot prove that he made me lose the position, and I didn't have a lawyer at that point to help. But so I worked for just over six months of this year and got my company tax documents last week. With that small amount of taxes being taken out - I prob don't have much coming in... but also the children were with me primary for those first five months of 2005, so hopefully that will count for something. The 50-50 joint physical/joint legal has been in effect for seven months or so now.. (We are one week on, one week off currently, but he 'kept' the children' from me and had them more often than I did for awhile once I didn't have a lawyer anymore; he 'homeschooled' them during the day hours because he would not allow/sign for me to enroll them in the local elementary school, so he actually did have more physical custody during a four month period of the last half of this year).

As an aside, our oldest son, 15 had an argument with his father after he questioned him as to whether he told the childrens lawyer if he wanted to live with me or with him; after the son told him he loved him but would want to live with me, then his dad was very harsh with him, argued several times that week, and then had a huge argument where he 'disowned' his son and the grandfather brought him to me. He has lived with me solely since the first week of September. I notified the childrens lawyer when it happened and it was discussed in one of our court hearings, so I know the judge/court is aware of at least some of the situation.

Now his father is trying his best to say I have withheld the son from him, and/or caused parental alienation with him - not true. He is also wanting to take the son to a "Christian" psychologist because he says the boy has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Unbelievable...this is a kid who has never even had a fight physically with a peer, has never skipped school, gotten in any difficulties with other adult authority figures etc...only problem is between his dad and him. I love him so much and this has been difficult on him being the oldest, but I early on wanted very much for him to have a way to continue a relationship with his dad.

I encouraged them to 'talk' things out etc; our son emailed his dad and called in those first weeks here; but the father told him that 'forgiveness was not forthcoming' --- what a load of bull hockey that man lives in. He is Mr. Christianity in front of the world, but he picks and chooses which lines in the Bible that he thinks apply to him. His son does not want to be alone with him for visitation, and beyond those initial emails and phone calls he made to his dad, there has been no contact.

His father won't let the little children speak on the phone to their brother when they call me during their time at dad's house; and he physically turns his back on the son when C occasionally walks out to hug the kids goodbye during the visitation exchange or if the son says hello to his dad. What a slimeball. Not surprising - there was physical and verbal abuse with him during the marriage, and I should have been strong enough to leave sooner -- now he is basically willing to make the oldest son expendable because he thinks he will get custody of the youngest four since I can not make enough money to keep things going...

Now C is doing fairly well and enjoys school and some friends...his grades are not wonderful, but are up from last school year. Anyhow so I know I can file head of household for my one son; just don't know about the others. I know stbx most likely already filed but I will send it in and see what I may be able to receive.

Please pray for the kids and I that there is enough for me to pay the rent and utilities with, and that I can get it soon. Not sure how getting the tax refund will affect any government assistance I am applying for, I will call and ask about that.

I so hope each of you finds some joy in this day with your children and friends, thanks again. Peace, Annah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 01-30-2006 - 11:51am

Hi Annah.... prayers are definitely coming your way.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~