SAHM wants to move out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
SAHM wants to move out
9
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 8:51pm

Hi all,
I am a stay at home mom and I want to divorce my husband, leave him with the house, and move out with my 4 yr old son to an apartment closer to his (my son's) pre-school. My husband is willing to support us until I find a job. I have found 2 apartments that would be ideal in terms of cost and location but the landlords/realtors won't consider me as a tenant because: 1) I have a child living with me 2) I do not have a job. The realtor's balk when they get to the part on the application that asks for my employer. I don't have one! How do I get them to trust that my husband will support me?

I have been trying to research what I am supposed to do in this situation to actually get on my own feet. I want to move out asap (I am safe here, just not comfortable..sleeping on air mattress in spare room) but do I have to get a job first in order to prove I have an income so someone will rent to me? I suspect that will take some time since I haven't worked in 4 years and I'd have to update my resume and figure out what kind of job I want/am qualified to do. Do I have to show the realtor a divorce settlement? This will also take some time and I know others move out before the divorce is final.

We do have lots of savings in a joint account, half of which I know I am entitled to. It would be enough for at least 4 or 5 months rent right there.

So how do sahms do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 9:28pm
Not 100% sure but you'll probably have to find some place that will sub-lease.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 9:33pm

If your stbx is willing to support you -- then he can co-sign the lease -- no sublet necessary.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 9:47pm

Leah,


If you are the one renting the apartment, then you have to show proof of income. Usually it's a job. If you're going to be supported by your STBX, then he'd probably have to co-sign the rental agreement since you have no income source. Have you also considered you will need to pay utilities, a deposit, and have transportation?


If you have to leave immediately you're choices for employment will be more limited. If you can wait long enough to formulate a plan, including finding and getting gainful employment, you'll be in a better position to be on your own.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 10:11pm

""Have you also considered you will need to pay utilities, a deposit, and have transportation""

This seems like a funny question, but yes, I have thought about that. But maybe I need more of a reality check. My shrink thought maybe I won't even have to get a job because the divorce settlement would cover my expenses for a certain amount of time. I have yet to talk to a lawyer about that (happening on monday) but i have no idea what my shrink is thinking because I don't see how that could possibly happen. Maybe she meant I file for divorce while we till live together and then when the divorce is final I move out? I dunno.

Must all sahms find a job first before getting a divorce?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 10:33pm

Sometimes you can get into an apartment without a job by paying in advance for 3-6 months with a lease to match that term, or if

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 11:09am

I have to say that landlords are much more picky nowadays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 4:11pm
Man, musiclover12, that sucks, but it does seem to be the case. So, here I am, sleeping in the spare room on an air mattress, looking at several months of this before I get a job. This feels nuts. I have visions of myself walking into a realtors office with $20,000 cash and asking who will find me a place. lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 4:44pm
I hope you can find a job before that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Wed, 04-30-2008 - 5:48pm
I am the one sleeping in the spare room on the air mattress because I am the one who wants to leave...And I have some guilt about that, so I guess I am agreeing to be the one who is uncomfortable until I get out. Sheesh, when I read that, it sounds stupid, but I guess I feel like I am DOING something by moving to another bedroom. DH is very passive and wouldn't move if I asked him anyway. And he sees nothing wrong with our marriage, btw. lol