says he wants to explain things
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| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 2:35pm |
My former husband (well we aren't officially divorced yet) says he wants to meet next week to explain himself and why he did what he did. A little background after 12 years together and two kids he left me for someone else after no warning that he was unhappy. Then he said he had been unhappy for sometime but kept acting like he was happy in the hopes that things would improve on their own (as if that ever works).
Now he says he has things he wants to tell me, things he thinks I have a right to know. The real question is, do I really want to know? I can't imagine anything he has to say that will make me feel better about the choices he has made and the things he has done. Until now, I felt he was responsible for the demise of our marriage by keeping the secrets he did and by having an affair. I certainly don't want to hear any attempt to blame me. I mean how much of this is my fault? How did I not see what was happening? I believed it when he said he was stressed at work. I believed it when he said he was happy and that he loved me. I was supportive of his need to work extra hours at his new job. When I felt we were drifting apart because he was working so much and so stressed, I organized babysitters and date nights and weekends away together. I believed it when he said just days before leaving that things were getting better and work and he was lookng forward to us getting even more time together. For months now, I've felt confident that I did everything I could but faced with someone who was lying to me and likely to himself, there was only so much I could have done. Now, I'm worried what he has to say will change all of that. Do I even want to know what he has to say?
Help. Feeling more scared and confused than I have in months.

Ohhhhh nooooooo ....
I would not do this. But, that is just me.
I bet he has been reading the same book my stbx read (Mom's house; Dad's house). Apparently, somewhere in there it says they should tell us why they are leaving/have left.
No thank you, very much!
But, that's just me :-)) again.
When my stbx made the offer I said "I would love some honesty about what is really going on, but I absolutely DO NOT need to hear why you hate me."
That was months ago. Haven't changed my mind.
But maybe I am wrong.
Your decision.
GL
M