On a scale of 1 to 10...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
On a scale of 1 to 10...
12
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 8:20pm

...rate how well you were doing one week after your separation as opposed to now.


One week after separation - 3


Now - 9


I really feel like my life is going in a good direction. I feel excited and happy about the future. And this is the first time I've felt this way since I can remember.




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Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:21pm

Then... a one... I was pathetic... I didn't want the divorce and clung to any hope (and I do mean any hope) that my then stbx gave me that it wasn't happening... I cried all the time (got asked several times at work if I would just like to go home) and wasn't really good for Joey either because as soon as I would see him I'd start balling (if I had stopped the first time) and then he'd start because I didn't want that life for Joey and I (that life being the separated/divorced one)...

Now... a seven... I am optimistic about the future, but to tell you the absolute truth, I need a bit of a break from Joey... I haven't had more than a couple of hours "off" in quite some time... my xil's are keeping him this weekend, but this is our busiest week of the year and I have to work all week plus Saturday and next Monday (which is a company holiday)... it will be nice overtime to put towards our Disney trip though!

Joey has done better with the separation and divorce than I could have imagined ... there are some tough times, but he is a bright, happy little boy with big dreams for the future... I can't wait to see some of his dreams turn into reality!

It has been almost three years since xh moved out officially and I've come a long way, but I still have a long way to go!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 11:12pm

then 1 - caused by the deepest of hurt from wondering why someone would do such a thing to me (though I forced the D because of what x was doing to me)

now 10 (though I have my not so good days at times) - I now know x did such a thing because he could, and some people are just not good people. But now I have my life back. I have my family, friends, pets, a home, and I have the courage to try new things. I was kind of like a wilting plant that finally got some water.

I am aiming for 11 though

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:42am

at the time of separation i was at 1... i sunk lower when my XH asked for a divorce... and have held out hope that things could change over the last year...but now we don't talk at all which is fine by me... (no kids = no reason to talk... i certainly don't want to hear about his new life with the GF...)

Now... i'm at about 8... i recently spoke to a very good friend of mine who reminded me that i'm a good person, that i deserved better... and that i was LUCKY to get out when i did because apparently the XH is not the same "great guy" he was the years we were together... it's sad... BUT... i will always cherish the memories of spending half my life with someone who never verbally or physically abused me... and the times when we were happy... but now i understand that we grew apart (and he found someone else that made him happy...(aka cheating)...although he'd never admit it and i only used my womans intuition to figure it out!)... it's taken me a LONG time to accept things as they are... and now that i have i am finally, finally starting to look forward to the future... whatever it may bring...

Ali

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:57am

After 1 week, I "might" have been a 1.... I voted yes to meds to help me get through!

Now, 3 years later, and 8.... and no meds.....

Definitely making progress.... have come a long way, but still have a ways to go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:05am

I love it when you do these.

1 week after definitely a 1. Ohhh was I a 1, lol. Now I'm a 9. And it feels darn good. I mean there are still times when ex gets to me but Ive learned and Im still learning how to not let it show more and more. I still have a ways to go but Im so proud of myself and the rest of us for how far we've come.

I did something a few weeks ago and it really surprised me. I read through my journal that I started way back when. My goodness was I a wreck and now Im in such a good place I cant even believe how "devastated" I was at the time. I thought my life was over. I too was clinging to any little bit of hope ex offered and oh did he offer hope, his famous line was "now is just not the right time to get back together", "lets wait and see what happens", I had given him two chances and my all time favorite was when he said he feels he may only have one chance left and he doesnt want to waste it because he thinks "the third time is a charm". I was bad. Wanted the family sooo bad. I look back on it now and think geez what the heck was wrong with me. I got a charm for him alright.

Now he had no job, is on public assistance or so he claims so that means NO child support at all. I look at him and the man I fell in love with and respected and wanted to be with forever is no where to be found. Too bad for the gf he has now. She's 20, he's 30 and she doesnt have a clue as to what he's capable of. Just as I and the ow he cheated on me with found out this one will too. I would love to know how the ow feels though. He left her with twin girls. When she thought she finally got him from me she was sooooo cocky and arrogant. Ooooh she thought she was on top of the world. Bet she thinks different now huh.

I say Good Riddance. Lets keep up the great work ladies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:39am
I read through my old journal recently, too! I look at my divorce in two parts. The first part was when I filed for the fist time 3.5 years ago. I feel like that's when the divorce really started. At that point, I was easily a 1. I was a total, utter, and complete mess. I don't know how I even got through the day. The only things that kept me sane were caring for my son, journaling, and work. This last time when I filed, I was in a much better place emotionally.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:55am
Then 2
Now 8
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 10:01am
Good to see you posting again! I'm glad you're doing well :)




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:16am

one week after separation - 8 ... STBX left & i finally felt free for the first time in 12 years

now - 1 ... STBX is acting so insane and unreasonable & has made this divorce process painfully devastating to me and our sons due to his traditional controlling, selfish nature; i initiated the separation only because i thought it would help both of us. yet, instead, he blames me for the demise of our marriage, and now, he absolutely will not talk to me or respond to requests via e-mail & he continues to disconnect himself physcially, emotionally, and financially from his boys. i'm looking forward to returning and surfing past that "8" high experienced two years ago when we first separated.

as usual, great poll ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:36am
1 week after seperation-1 I wanted it but still couldnt believe this was happening to me. Now it varies from a 5-9 depending on how much I let my stbx get to me. Can anybody give my advise or books to read on how to help me quit thinking about what he and the white trash gf are doing.I have got alot better but still when im feeling sorry for myself that seems to be the time I start thinking about them so I try not to feel sorry for myself to often but sometimes it just sneaks up on me usually when he is out having fun and im sitting home because I have no money.

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