Scared and Alone.
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| Thu, 03-02-2006 - 3:21pm |
Hi,
It's my first time posting here. My husband I have been together for 9 years, married for 6 and I just filed for divorce. I'm having a really hard time. I wasn't happy in my marriage for a long time (for lots of reasons) but it seems impossible to move on. I'm so scared and alone. I know lots of people have gone through this, but it still seems like no one understands how hard it is. I am the first of my friends to divorce (all of them are having babies and I can't talk to them about this-it seems too much like raining on their parades.) My mom said, and I quote "Marriage isn't about happiness, it's about commitment. You made your bed now lie in it." So forget family support. I was always much closer to his family then mine anyway.
I can't sleep, I can't eat and I am so anxious and on edge all the time. I have tried going to 3 different therapists but none seemed to be a good "fit" and I am just too exhausted to keep trying to find one.
How, after spending 1/3 of my life with this man, am I supposed to just walk away? Not see him anymore, ever? After you've been so invested in this persons happiness and well-being how do you just sever the tie? And why does it seem so easy for him?!!? He seems just fine-maybe a little inconvenienced, but fine.
I can't stop thinking about what he's doing and who he's doing it with. When we were together he wouldn't ever take off work for us to go on vacation or spend time together (even to go to dinner-he would work 14 hour days). Why is he willing to do it now? Why was I not worth it?
Well, thank you for letting me vent. If anyone has any advice or encouragment it would be greatly appreciated.
Best wishes,
Wendy

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I'm scared too. But not alone, and neither are you! I felt alone because I didn't know a single divorced person, my family was too far away to be much help and their bumbling help really wasn't much help anyway, my friends have never been through divorce... Then, I discovered this website and found support from other people going thru the same things. Also, as I moved thru the divorce process, I met other people who are divorced. The lady at the bank, the paralegal to my lawyer, my insurance agent, my realtor... They are always supportive when they find out I'm divorcing and I prefer their support to the uncomfortable stares of my old friends. I don't have as much in common with my married friends and, as a result, I have made new friends and have kept only my "real" friends from before the divorce. Keep your head up- I'm a little further along in the process than you and I know that it's hard, but getting better.
Laura
Thank you all so much for your posts! I cried when I read every one (not that crying is all that unusual lately, but happy tears certainly are!). I am so glad to have found such a wonderful, supportive community!
It is slowly getting better. When I was ready to scream and cry and tear my hair this weekend (thinking about him and what he's doing) I logged on to this site and looked at your words of advice and went out for a walk, or took a bath. I feel like I have had my heart dragged over a cheese grater, and I know it will probably get worse before it gets better, but I feel much better now knowing there are folks out there who "get it". Thanks again for your kind and caring words!
Wendy
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