scared and broke

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
scared and broke
24
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 8:57am
Oh gosh, where to start. I am 62 and getting ready to have both knees replaced and suffer from debilitating arthritis. My
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 1:03pm

Stephenson,


Hi. Glad you found us here in SD&S.


My heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, you aren't alone in being an "older adult" facing divorce. The trend is going up.


The others here have given you excellent advice and encouragement. What most of us need when we find ourselves in the throes of divorce is a plan (whether or not we made the decision.).


1)Legal advice is a must. You may consult a private attorney or check with Legal Aid to see if you qualify for any assistance here. To find your local office look in the blue pages of your phonebook under "United States." Only they can tell you whether you are eligible and for what.


2)Gather your documentation. Get together and copy your tax returns, bank statements, mortgage, investment, loans, insurance, credit card and utility bills. Also, be sure you have your SSN card and your birth certificate so you can take it with you. This information will be helpful to an attorney in crafting a settlement.


3)Find support. You may be able to get group support at a local church or community mental health center. Individual therapy is also possible; again, check with your community mental health service. Many times they offer services on a sliding fee scale.


4)Determine what you need to pay living expenses month-to-month. Don't be stingy. If you must rent an apartment, get on the phone with local apartment complexes and find out what they charge for monthly rent, what they want for a deposit, and then estimate utilities. Ditto for transportation: will you rely on public transportation or drive your own car? Estimate gas, tolls, parking fees, insurance, etc. Also, estimate what you need for groceries, medical copays, clothing, and other misc items like toilet paper, soap, etc. This will give you a baseline to work with in asking for support and crafting your settlement.


Depending on your state laws (and they are all different) you may be entitled to half his retirement, half his investments, and half the value of his business or partnership (if he's self-employed). You may have to determine if its financially savvy or practical to stay in the maritial home. (If you live in a 2-story house, you're not going to be able to go up and down stairs, etc). An apartment or one-level ranch condo may be more practical. You might also ask for medical benefits, i.e. he pays your health insurance until you're eligible for medicare, and SSN.


Your husband may not want responsibility for you as you deal with age and illness, but it doesn't mean he gets off free. ;-). Get yourself a "tiger" of an attorney and go get em girl!


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 2:17pm

Thanks so much for the advice, I have made lot's of notes and things don't look quite so bleak now. I need to stay focused on getting this surgery over with and starting on the road to recovery. All of this sure makes me feel old and useless though. Two of my husband's friends just married very young girls from other countries so I think that is what started him thinking he might be missing something. Ok, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger, right!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 3:12pm

That makes me laugh cause I work for a law firm that has mostly Chinese clients, since the owner is Chinese.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 4:13pm

Bless

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 7:18pm

RUN don't walk to the nearest, meanest badest attorney. Get out the phone book. Look up family court in your area and call the judge's office. If you can't speak to a judge, speak to either his clerk or his administrative assistant. Tell her your story. Ask for a recommendation for attorney. BELIEVE ME she will have a name and it will be somebody who can rip him a new one. You need to make certain your medical insurance is not canceled immediately. You need an emergency order. In my state this order is called emergency relief and you need to file one yesterday.


Are you listed on the bank accounts? The bank can NOT debit the account to nothing without your approval if your name is on a joint account.Call and check and speak with your local branch manager. Explain the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sat, 05-24-2008 - 8:14am

Hey there,


I was married 27 years and was scared to death when this happened to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Sat, 05-24-2008 - 8:14am

Yes, I am. Maybe I will survive this afterall, thanks to all of you who took time to write. I had no idea when I wrote there would be such a support system. I always loved the state of Georgia, now I know why, great gals.


Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Sat, 05-24-2008 - 9:21am

My heart goes out to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 10:27am

First of all, YOU ARE NOT OLD !

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 11:15am
If it's a joint bank acct, one person on the acct can w/draw all the money in the acct w/o the other's approval or knowledge.