scared to death

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
scared to death
3
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 7:41pm

I think I finally convinced my husband and myself for that matter, that we should be apart. We had a mostly miserable marriage for almost 9 years. In fact, it is no secret that I didn't want to get married in the first place.

So here I am almost 9 years later, 31 years old, mother to an 8 year old son who has be diagnosed as bipolar. I am a full time student, no source of income at the moment, I have at least 2 years left of school. I REALLY don't want to give up on that. Money with my husband and I has always been tighter than two coats of paint. This scares me to death, I have no idea how to be on my own, support myself and child. A big problem of mine is that I have never really been on my own, I'm so looking forward to it, and it is one of the big reasons for me wanting a divorce. Well, maybe not the biggest, he cheated on me, basically bullies me (I don't think he means to, but still....) and is extremely self-centered. I don't think I'm making the wrong choice, I just need advice and support... I live in his hometown, not mine and have not made any real friends, so that is a huge problem too, I'm very much alone in this. I don't want to be talked out of this again. I'm so clueless, I don't even really know how to even go about getting separated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 8:33am

Hi there :)


First let me say HUGS!!!! Everyone goes through the stage of being scared of change. I can only say this, there are A LOT of mommies out there that are just like you. LOTS of stay at home moms/students who either decide to leave the marriage or don't really have a say in the matter, that make it on their own. Is it hard? Yep. But it is doable. There are a lot of money saving tips and job hunting tips all over ivillage. In fact, check in the past posts of the Dollars and sense heading on this board. Karen, wildluckyforme, always posts such great ways to save money or to start from scratch.


It will get better and people do this everyday. You will get child support from your ex and you might qualify for alimony too. That on top of a job is enough to live on. These things always work out.. although scary at times... everything happens for a reason and if you are ready to move on, go for it.


Hugs to you and please keep us updated.


Angelena



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 11:57am
thank you. I just need cheering on I guess. I'm not telling my mother until there is no turning back... That is a whole story in itself. I talked to my Aunt-in-law. She is wonderful and very supportive. I've enlisted her to kick my a$$ if I allow myself to be talked out of tis again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 1:22pm
wow... this is tough. Have you thought of some sort of counseling - either for both of you or for you alone? ask your obgyn, ask at your school - there are free counselors for women whose finance is tight. The reason i talk about counseling is that your divorce situation has a lot of aggravating factors: it's not only emotionally painful, but also you have a child, no source of income now or in forseeable (2 yrs) future. Quitting school could be an option, but i don't think you should do that - your future employment and earning potential will be much better as a college grad. On the other hand, you can't expect your ex to support you through school! Of course, there are loans and stuff, but i have no idea how you would go about that. You need to ask professionals... There are also books - go to big Barnes and NOble or a local library. "Divorce for Dummies" has some good recommendations. Hang in there and keep us informed!