Scared to tell him the truth
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| Wed, 02-08-2006 - 12:48am |
I discovered in December that H was having an affair. He of course says it was not physical, that it was simply an "emotional affair". But with what I found, I don't believe it was just emotional. I also question this because six years ago I discovered that H was advertising on the internet for sex. When confronted he said he did meet with women, but never had the courage to go any further. And the first affair was eight years ago, when I found out he had a relationship with another co-worker. He told me they "just talked a lot".
My first reaction to this new incident was divorce, he of course faught this. We separated at the beginning of the year, but he is not giving me the space I need. He still comes over every night to see the boys. He is determined to make the marriage work. He cries every time I mention divorce. He doesn't understand why I won't give him another chance, especially now since he's seeing a therapist and is "fixing himself". He is now ready to be the husband I always wanted and the father the kids have never had.
I have my first appointment with the lawyer tomorrow, H doesn't know this. I'm a little scared as to what will happen when he knows how serious I am about the divorce. Not scared about my safety, but what his reaction will be, how hard will he fight this. During our 10 year marriage, I have always been the complaisant one, very non-confrontational. Which is probably why I've been walked on for so many years. I also think that's why he is having such a hard time dealing with this, because he has always been very manipulative. I suppose I'm looking for the best and most gentle way to break the news, and if anyone has dealt with a similar situation. Any advice?

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But....there's A HUGE DIFFERENCE when a woman wants to rationally discuss something (with her husband) that's bothering her....as opposed to someone DEMANDING THAT CORRECTIONS OR CHANGES BE MADE IMMEDIATELY!
I personally don't feel that the above statement is gender specific.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
LOL!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi virgogirl_914...
Pianoguy still gets this question after being an ivillager for more than 5 years....and there's no "royal we" connection.
It's just my writing style. .
You'll notice that I often jump from 3rd to 1st person in most of my responses. But thanks for asking.
Pianoguy
Hi Karen!
PG thanks you so much for your very kind words.
After adding 'my 2 cents' for more than 5 years, I realize that there are several "new visitors" to this...and many of the other ivillage boards. So I guess the 3rd person thing can be a little staggering to one or two?
You probably won't believe this, but I had the pleasure of meeting Garth Brooks several years ago! . Garth was playing a concert in Portland, Maine and our station was one of the sponsors for the show!
Garth was absolutely terrific! Not only as a performer, but as a real 'down-to-earth' human being---when we got together with him after the show! I think it's great that some of his "lost music" is showing up inside that 'rather large chain store' that began in Arkansas, and now has hundreds of locations throughout the country!
One of the many things I enjoy about this board (and ivillage in general) is the opportunity to "share a few ideas" with others. This doesn't mean that I expect everybody to agree with me about a particular issue or situation? It's only one man's opinion------mine!!!
I guess the only way to (hopefully) arrive at a solution to ANY problem is to digest the words others use...and see how if they 'relate' to your particular situation?
Best wishes and warm thoughts always...
Pianoguy
Garth used to live just a few miles from where I live.... just outside of Nashville, but I never met him.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
i was separated from my ex about 2.5 years ago- got divorced about 1.5 years ago (it was a second marriage for both of us). my ex did not seem to want to get divorced and in fact he delayed it for a long time, wouldn't sign any papers
I think what bothered me most about this whole "nagging" issue was that my STBX said I always "nagged" him. If I asked him to come home after work instead of going to to happy hour until 2AM? Nag. If I asked him to help me (not to it himself...HELP me) take care of the yard? Nag. If I asked him for money toward the bills? Nag.
So he would run all over town talking about what a horrible nag I was, while all I wanted to do was have him be slightly responsible. So often, when men say women are nags, I wonder if they are just being asked to act like adults and contribute to the relationship. From what I have seen, many men consider it to be naggin if you ask them to do ANYTHING or require ANYTHING of them.
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