School dilemma due to separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
School dilemma due to separation
3
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 8:14pm

Hi there, I have been a lurker on these boards for several months. My soon-to-be ex and I are not able to communicate as he was arrested after our separation for assaulting me and his bail conditions prohibit contact of any kind except through our lawyer. As you may imagine, it is a most acrimonious divorce. Anyway, the ex is bad-mouthing me to my neighboursin this VERY small town, going so far as to visit and call each of them to spread his version of events and to defame and slander me in a serious way. He has apparently gotten the support of my son's teacher as well. My ex sees our 5 year old son for at most 5-10 hours a week and never requests more visitation. He has some serious problems and this limited contact is proving to be beneficial as our son's outrageous behavior has improved dramatically since the separation.

Last week when I picked my son up at school, I overheard the parents talking about the school pictures(proofs) they got that day. Upon returning home I realized my son's was not in his bag. The next school day I confronted the teacher in a nice way at first. I said, Hi Mrs. XXXXX, I wondered if you had forgot to put Billy's school pics in his bag as I never received them? She seemed flustered and replied I have them but they aren't yours. I said I beg your pardon, whose are they then? She replied that they were my Ex's. In short of it, I lost my cool after she refused to give them to me or give the number of the photographer so I could purchase them directly. I went to the secretary and kindly asked for the photographers number and she inquired what for. I told her his teacher was refusing to give them to me, his mom. She looked up the custody arrangements in the computer which indicate that I have primary physical custody. She said this was easy to correct as the photos were the property of me. To make a long story short, i had to meet with the principal, who told me the only option was for me to ASK my ex for permission to have access to proofs as the proofs were the property of the ex(no explanation for this was given). This for some reason really upset me as I knew this wasn't an option. I felt violated as I am his mother and feel wrongly judged by the members of this community as they have succumbed to my sociopathic ex's charms. I lost control of my emotions(tears) in the office I am ashamed to admit. But after half a day of phone calls and my exs permission for me to have a photocopy of the proofs(unable to deciper the photos)I did get to order my own child's pictures.

I am furious with the teacher as she was belligerent and hostile to me. I am happy with the outcome but wonder what other difficulties lie ahead as we have not even come to a formal separation agreement after 9 months of lawyers.

I know that this may seem minor but sometimes children make certain situations emotionally charged and emotions get the better of us. Am I wrong for being upset? What can I do to confront the teacher now(things are tense!) and let her know I expect all communication/literature to come to me AND my ex? I need ideas of how to word(either verbally or written) a letter or statement to move forward with this tense situation.

Thanks ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 8:24pm

Wow that has got to be incredibly hard.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 9:33pm
Who paid for the pictures??? Whomever paid for them owns them. I bought packages of the school pictures and the ex didn't touch them. I plan on giving him some of them once I get them sorted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 5:14pm

Thanks for the advice Jennie! I have in the past taken the high road with the teachers and parents who have sided with my ex. This town is LIKE NO OTHER!! I tell ya, I wouldn't wish the wrath of this town on my worst enemy. People feel like they know the deal here, they have gone so far as to believe that I concocted the assault-my ex is telling them all that and they are believing it. I am the outsider as I am not "a local"! Oh well, as I don't talk to many people in town, I find it easy to mind my own business and not tell people what the REAL STORY is,

Actually, the "photos" in question were actually the 1" proofs(2 poses) that ALL students have done for the yearbook/school wall whether photos are ever bought by the parents or not. The 2 different proofs are free and are glued onto the order form for photo size and quantity selection.