Second Guessing
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| Thu, 03-15-2007 - 11:15am |
The short of it is, my husband and I have been married a little over three years....We have had a lot of obstacles in our way over the course of these years (death of a father, grandparents, financial burdens, etc)...Over the course of this time (approx. 2 1/2 years) we drifted apart and have been living like roomates (haven't been intimate in this time frame either)...So I have been on this roller coaster "to leave or not to leave", I was going to leave last June, and then things got better, then they got worse...so many ups and downs...I finally had the opportunity to leave for a work assignemnt for close to a month...I REALLY liked being on my own, so when I came back I finally empowered myself to tell my husband I had enough and thought we should seperate...Of course he was blindsided (which makes me upset because how could he not realize how poor our relationship had become over these past few years)...I have been in and out of therapy and we went once together...I really wanted out, and had been out for a long time..I was ok with my decision, of course I was sad, scared, etc...but I kept on picturing life on my own and I was ok with it...we went to the lawyer on Tuesday to have papers drawn...Then it hit me yesterday...WHAT AM I DOING????...I just started freaking out and am wondering if I am doing the right thing or not...how do you know if you are or not??...am I just getting cold feet???...I was SURE this is what I wanted and now I am not so sure....has anyone else experienced this and what did they do???...Any support and advice you have to share is much appreciated...
Thanks

Dear mpnyc,
I think I must have written the same words a few months back, probably on this forum =) I think a lot of us must ask these same questions. I still do, and my divorce isn't final yet, so I'm not sure my advice is worth much. I would say that the second guessing is normal, and that you have to really take the time to think about what you want. Continue therapy. Does your husband want to go to couples therapy? I would say don't rush it...it's a big decision. But give yourself what you need to make an honest decision...time away, therapy, etc. Talk to friends and family. Divorce is a choice, and sometimes we don't know what the best one is in regards to the future, but we have to do what feels best for us in our hearts, with the information we have at the time. Choices involve giving up things and gaining other things, and that's true if you stay in your marriage or divorce. My therapist recently asked me a simple question: was I willing to give my marriage another chance in order to be 100% sure. My answer was clear (or at least clear for now!)
I'm probably not much help, but just know that you're not alone and that this is a confusing and difficult time.
Good luck, and take care of yourself.
Sure!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~