My husband told me the exact same thing. He said he was not emotionally in the marriage anymore and hadn't been for a while. I have an ache in my heart which I am sure you can relate to. I am new at this also and haven't even seen a lawyer or thought about what I am going to do. I have decided to stay friendly for my daughters' sakes. It is really hard because we are still under the same roof. We are going to sell the house. It is just hard because the future seems so uncertain and crazy. I love my stbx very much but what do you do. I have decided that this is something he has chosen for his life. It sucks because it is turning mine and my girls lives upside down, but I now have to decide to pick my self up, dust myself off and see the man that I have been married to for fifteen years for what he is. It sounds bitter, but men who walk away like this are selfish and probably will never be able to contribute to a meaningful relationship beyond looking at what they are getting out of it. This is their issue, not ours. We do not control their thoughts and feelings. You, like me, probably put everything you had into making sure he was happy. We cant do that anymore. We have to focus on ourselves and our children. The men aren't in it emotionally so we have to try to start separating ourselves from these men emotionally. I dont have the magic potion, but I am putting my time and energy into my kids, my work and going back to school. Drop me a line anytime. We can get through this.
My soon-to-be ex did the same thing to me. Saying that he hasn't been happy for a long time and just wants to be happy again. I had no idea as well, but instead of turning to me and working it out, he turned to another woman!
That was about nine months ago and I am still healing. I am sorry to say that there is no way to move on quickly! Time is the best healer! But if I learn anything from this tragedy, it is definitely not to mope around and feel that any of this was your fault! I felt SOOO guilty at first thinking that I must have done something wrong or if only I would have done this or that. You will drive yourself insane thinking those thoughts! Because when it all comes down to it....you did not do one single thing wrong! It is HIS decision and it does not make you less of a person.
I found that the best therapy is not to constantly dwell in the past and try to change or come up with answers that won't make any difference whatsoever. Look to the future...meet new friends, join new clubs, do something you've always wanted to do but were held back, dream. Basically....and hard as it may be to comprehend right now....think of this end as a new beginning! A new beginning for you!!
If someone would have told me nine months ago that I would be in this situation, I would have thought they were insane! But bad things happen to good people and you just have to cope with the hand that God deals you!!! It will get better...I promise! Because right now, there is no other way than up!! Take it from someone who's been there!
It is usually about sex. I'm so sorry, desij. What he is doing is disgusting, it will have a life-long effect on his children. Please take care of yourself.
Desi -- don't give up on your marriage so quickly or easily. Marriage is not for the faint of heart.
I am assuming that nothing has gone too far (like he's been cheating, or anything like that).
I understand that what he said seems a shock and hurtful. However, he did in fact tell you. So he's still sharing his feelings with you.
Its a sad truth that ALL relationships vary their intensity, including marriage. So at times, the marital intensity is low. That's a part of life that most of us tend to forget. The constant stimulation we recieve on a day to day basis tends to numb us. So when something is not super, or new, or amazing, its an immediate candidate for disposal.
Its time for counceling. Definitely for him. Its probably best for both of you. Please give it a try. (If he's cheated, kick him in the crotch instead.) Maybe your husband is facing a genuine depressive episode -- it happens. Counceling can help you understand how to deal with it.
The next time he talks about leaving, calmly tell him no, that you two are married, you have a family, and that the two of you are going to work it out.
I find your comments very real. It's true. We definately spend a lot of time contributing to our marriage. Being selfish isn't something we should enable.
My soon-to-be ex did the same thing to me. Saying that he hasn't been happy for a long time and just wants to be happy again. I had no idea as well, but instead of turning to me and working it out, he turned to another woman!
That was about nine months ago and I am still healing. I am sorry to say that there is no way to move on quickly! Time is the best healer! But if I learn anything from this tragedy, it is definitely not to mope around and feel that any of this was your fault! I felt SOOO guilty at first thinking that I must have done something wrong or if only I would have done this or that. You will drive yourself insane thinking those thoughts! Because when it all comes down to it....you did not do one single thing wrong! It is HIS decision and it does not make you less of a person.
I found that the best therapy is not to constantly dwell in the past and try to change or come up with answers that won't make any difference whatsoever. Look to the future...meet new friends, join new clubs, do something you've always wanted to do but were held back, dream. Basically....and hard as it may be to comprehend right now....think of this end as a new beginning! A new beginning for you!!
If someone would have told me nine months ago that I would be in this situation, I would have thought they were insane! But bad things happen to good people and you just have to cope with the hand that God deals you!!! It will get better...I promise! Because right now, there is no other way than up!! Take it from someone who's been there!
Hang in there!!
Desi -- don't give up on your marriage so quickly or easily. Marriage is not for the faint of heart.
I am assuming that nothing has gone too far (like he's been cheating, or anything like that).
I understand that what he said seems a shock and hurtful. However, he did in fact tell you. So he's still sharing his feelings with you.
Its a sad truth that ALL relationships vary their intensity, including marriage. So at times, the marital intensity is low. That's a part of life that most of us tend to forget. The constant stimulation we recieve on a day to day basis tends to numb us. So when something is not super, or new, or amazing, its an immediate candidate for disposal.
Its time for counceling. Definitely for him. Its probably best for both of you. Please give it a try. (If he's cheated, kick him in the crotch instead.) Maybe your husband is facing a genuine depressive episode -- it happens. Counceling can help you understand how to deal with it.
The next time he talks about leaving, calmly tell him no, that you two are married, you have a family, and that the two of you are going to work it out.
Please stay in contact.