Self-esteem and infidelity - help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Self-esteem and infidelity - help!
5
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 2:24pm

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks - for those of you who don't know my story, I am in the process of divorce mediation. My STBX and I were together for nearly 20 years and have three children. He is having an affair - it began back in February when he went on a business trip for a week and met her in a bar/danced with her all night - you can guess the rest. He is still with her - although she lives halfway across the world (they are having a long distance affair). He flaunts the affair to me (he is living here in the house with me and will be until next week when he will *finally* move out). He is going to see her for a vacation next month (he will be gone during our wedding anniversary as well as mother's day).

I have reached the point where I am really depressed about the whole thing. I was angry and hurt - now I am just really sad. (of course the anger comes and goes too!).

I feel so terrible about myself. I look at myself and wonder what in the heck is wrong with me? why doesn't he want to be with me? I still love him - although I wish I didn't. I can't stand the thought he is going to go and be with her in her home country. How can he do this to me? am I that bad? what if no one else ever wants me? how am I ever going to recover from this?

I know I sound really pathetic but it is how I feel. Any suggestions? how can I get my self-esteem back? will I ever feel better about myself?

~Hurtnlost

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 6:50pm

Boy, do I know how you feel!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 10:10pm
I think time (and maybe some therapy/counseling) is the only thing that is going to help the sting. I know my STBX has done a number on me both recently and in the last few years. I feel like crap about myself so much of the time. I'm hoping some (yet-to-begin) counseling and some perspective will help. They stink for putting us in these situations. Hang in there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 10:30pm

Boy, I wish I had the answer for you and myself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 10:24am

I know exactly how you feel because I have felt the same thing as my STBX and I have been separated since January, and he also flaunts his relationship with OW to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 1:37pm

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I am so sorry that you all are feeling the same way and at the same time so glad that I am not all alone in this. Sometimes I think I must be losing my mind.