Separating... what do I need to consider
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| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:29am |
I have already made my decision to leave my H. I will be leaving the 25th. I will leave after he goes to work per the advice from the attorney and my therapist. My H has a bad temper sometimes. I will leave a note saying that I need to separate from him..etc.We have a 8 year old son. He is currently staying with my parents for "the summer". He is all packed with all his toys and clothes. I already talked to my attorney about taking him across state lines. It is legal for me to do and I will not be charged with kidnapping. After I am in the new state for 6 months I can file for sole custody. I know H won't fight me in this. For one he doesn't have the money and for two he doesn't see his other son from a previous marriage regularly. I think it is an out of sight out of mind thing.
I will only be taking what I can fit into my car, my personal belongings. All the rest like furniture, etc will stay. We have separate checking accounts. The water and phone are in my name I know I need to get them out of my name. The only joint debt we have together is his truck. I signed on the dotted line. (I know stupid) Hopefully he will make his payments on time.
My mind is jumbled with emotions, sadness cause my marriage did not last, more sadness because I know my son will not be in his fathers life like it has been. I need a to do list of sorts.. for example.
1. Get my mail forwarded to my parents house
2. Get phone and water out of my name
3. Get all personal documents, SS Cards, Birth Certificates, Bank Statements Etc.
4. Think about putting DS into counseling in case he has an emotional issues
Can you keep on adding to my list? I am trying to cover all my basis.... Thanks for your help!

1) take your son to his pediatrician for a physical (the new school will require it) and obtain copies of all of his medical records. Obtain copies of your own as well.
2) call ahead and see what is required to register your son for school and have those documents handy. Likely: birth certificate and proof of residency (lease, mortgage papers, driver's license w/ new address, other pieces of mail addressed to you at your new location).
3) Notify the holder of the note on the car that you are divorcing and where to reach you. If he doesn't make the payments, you'll want to know. Also, depending on where the loan came from, they sometimes use the same credit information for new loans (credit unions in particular have been known to do this), particularly if your ex were to sign documents on your behalf. Illegal, but I have two girlfriends whose ex's did this. They were eventually able to get out of the second loan, but it was a legal mess you don't need.
4) I'm concerned that you are leaving without a custody order for six months. What if he files in your previous state first? I know you don't think he will, but stranger things have happened. Can you file for temporary custody immediately in the new state? It might be worth contacting an attorney at your new location to see what your options are. Custody things make me sooooo nervous. It's the one thing I knew I couldn't tolerate: losing my children. I may be overly cautious because of my own fears.
Best of luck to you.
Do you think your STBX sees this coming?
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
I will look into filing temporary custody in the new state. The reason I am not worried he will file is because the lawyer said it would cost $3,000-$4,000. I know my STBX does not have that kind of money and he cannot get a loan and no one he knows will loan him this kind of cash.
STBX knows that I have been having "problems", but of course they have nothing to do with him. (being sarcastic) He has no idea about this so far. My therapist told me to act normal, until I leave. I have a feeling stuff is going to hit the fan when he finds out that I am gone.