Separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Separation
2
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 3:54pm
Three months ago I found out that my 50 yrs old husband of 22 years had another telephone and had been talking on this phone and exchanging text messages with a 29 yrs old girl for the last 4 months; the calls occuring everyday even at odd hours of the day and night. When I confronted him he said that this were all fiendly casual talk to someone like his sister. I did not believe him and there were several arguments. He even accused me of constantly spying on him since then. He tried to get things better between us but i felt that he was just trying to make me feel better so I would back off . I know he still kept the second phone and may still be in contact with the same girl even though this girl is now engaged and about to get married. Few days ago there was a chance for me to tell the other girl's family about this girl's relationship with my husband. The girl or his family informed my husband about this information and of course my husband became very mad that I was a mean, evil person who never cared about anybody's respects and feelings. He was particularly enraged that I did not respect him and humliated him in the eyes of this family and maybe in his community. ( both he and I are of diiferent race and releigion). Although I was ashamed in what I did-- informing the girl's amily about the girls relationship with my husband--I feel that I did what I have to do and never regretted what I did.
We had several arguments in the past about different problems. He had threatened to separate from me everytime after an argument always inplying that were really not compatible to each other. This time he did what he had always threatened me-- he moved out of the house and said that he would like to wait for 6 months and then he will file for divorce. I love my husband very much and I could not imagine even a night without him. I am very much depressed right now and if not for my four kids I feel I could no longer function normally. I want to get him back but others had advise me to give him a space and a time to cool off. The tow daysa he had stayed away I went to him and beg him to come home and ask him to give me another chance. But it seemed llike he is very determined to separate from me this time, calling me an evil, mean, filthy minded person and never wants to see my face again. I feel so desperate and lonely now.
Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
In reply to: gal_farzana
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 6:30pm
hi
i can sympathize what your going through. I found texts on my DH phone and he basically called me crazy! its a defense mechanism they use when they are doin something wrong. they throw it back to us and make it seem like we are the crazy one's for even confronting them about it. You and I seem to have no trust in our relationships. and i'm going on two years of marriage! i should still be on the honeymoon stage! yeah right! Its gonna be hard to not have in your life because well he is your life, you revolve everything around him and your kids. But if he is putting you down with words and making you feel like a bad person and giving you low esteem. Maybe you should step out of the bubble and give yourself time to think about what you want. i've been seperated for 7 months and i feel stronger, even happier because constant negativity isnt around me. i feel like i'm finding myself as a person again. Maybe pick up some hobbies or join a book club to keep your mind off of husband. if he wants space give it to him. dont keep running to him cause you only gonna annoy him more. if he loves he will come back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
In reply to: gal_farzana
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 12:12pm
He sounds like a control freak to me. Behaves badly, then makes you think it's your fault. I lived like this for 30 years, and just moved out. I realized what he was doing when he began to do it to my son. I still love him too, but I don't like him. You, and I, deserve better than that. My husband didn't cheat on me, but is incredibly verbally and emotionally abusive, and drinks too much. Believe in youself. I'm sure you are a wonderful person, and you have a right to be loved and happy. I'm sure there's someone out there who will appreciate you even if he doesn't. Hang in there, you can survive and become stronger.