Separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Separation
4
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:28pm

Hi! I am getting ready to go through a separation, I think. My husband doesn't want to make a decision right at this moment but I know in his heart that the decision has been made. His main concern is our 2 boys, 9 & 11. It's mine too. I guess I just don't know how to 'be' anymore. I still have this person in my house and yet it's like we are strangers, I feel like I am walking on eggshells. How do you act 'normal' when NOTHING is normal. Part of me just wants it done so I can move on somehow but the other part is scared to death! I'm worried about my kids, money, being alone and so much else. I know people do this all the time but how to you begin to get through it????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
In reply to: knibrn
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 4:02pm

Hi there,

I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand what you are going through. I just recently separated and it is never easy. I just keep telling myself the same thing. Put one foot in front of the other and take everyday as it comes. The first thing I did was sit down and figure out the financial end of it. Once that part is put in place I didn't feel so paniced. Once I realized I really could do it on my own I wasn't scared of the future. When I truly looked at the reasons I was with my husband, I realized that we were both staying for the wrong reasons anyways. My husband was the one who called it quits first so I can't give you any advise other than listen to your heart. Get support from a family member or friend you can trust and lean on them. I hope all goes well for you. Walking on eggshells is no fun...I've been there.

Jenny

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
In reply to: knibrn
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 5:10pm
Thanks for the advice. My husband is definitely the one initiating everything but in my heart I know that it's probably the right thing. I just worry so much about the kids and how it affects them, emotionally and financially. I can do it on my own, I think, but it's just so scary. Maybe giving up the comfort of being married is what scares me more than giving up the marriage itself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2006
In reply to: knibrn
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 7:39am

Hugs. I can certainly relate. In fact all those same fears and concerns actually kept in my loveless, unhappy marriage for about 2 years longer than I should have. I definately thought that the comfort of a shell of a marriage was better (safer?!) than going it on my own. I was wrong. It certainly hasn't been easy but it has now been nearly 9 months since we separated and the only regret I have is that I did't have the courage to do it sooner. We are all better off.

Your concerns are common ones I think. As for your kids, just love them, love them, love them and they will be ok. Good luck to you.

Trudy

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
In reply to: knibrn
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:56am

I can relate as well. I've been thinking about leaving for so long and yet now that I'm taking active steps (looking for a place to live) I am still feeling the fear tugging at me, making me consider staying. There is a lot at work- worrying about money, fear of the strain of being a single parent, fear of being alone. Unlike many of the posters here, my stbx is unwilling to accept that the marriage is over and I know that there will be hell to pay when I do finally move. That fear is a deterrent too.

It is very heartening to hear from someone who has made the break and is glad to have done it. I can only pray that I feel that way in 9 months time.