Separation..?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Separation..?
2
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 8:10am
The cousellor suggested that we try a controlled separation. It would entail a list of guidelines, we would continue conselling together, have a controlled amountof contact, the objective is to see if reconciliation is possible.
I've been looking for somewhere to live. I know that I can't stay here for much longer. If we avoid each other and only concentrate on the day to day stuff, it's not that bad... it's when we fight or I consider how unlikely it is that i will ever have loving feelings for him again that i think it should end. The concept of a trial separation seems like a bit of a cushion to that side of me that is undecided... like I can have the space to get my head straight and not have to file divorce papers until I'm ready.
How many of you have tried a separation like this? What was the outcome?
I can say that what I don't want is to separate for a while, get lonely or scared, and then come back even if it's the wrong thing to do! But, I guess that's up to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cbote
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 8:20am

cbote...

Pianoguy has never tried the "trial separation" suggestion. But apparently the concept works one for several others in one of 2 ways:

1. Distance will bring bickering couples back together

OR

2. Hasten the divorce process even faster when one (or both) has his/her eyes on someone else!

You can exist in the same house or apartment as ROOMMATES...but inevitably, one (or both) of you will get on the nerves of the other? This is when it's almost better to "return home to Mom and Dad" or "seek out a close friend who has a spare bedroom that's unoccupied!"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: cbote
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 10:50am
well, as i understand the therapist's suggestion, the point is to be able to focus on 'fixing' things, without getting bogged down in other issues (living together, fighting, sex, etc). i do see your point, though, thtat you are afraid that you will be living on your own and you might be lonely, and you might just want to be back with him because of the lonliness. well - there is that possibility, but there is ALWAYS that possibility that we will get lonely and drift back together. and from what you are describing - you will be under the 'supervision' of a therapist, so if you feel those feelings coming up, you can discuss it with the therapist first. i truly believe in trying every possible way to fix things before going down the divorce route.