Separation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2005
Separation?
3
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 5:45pm
My H has posed the option of separating..I don't see the point if the marriage can't be saved. We are in divorce mediation. He said what if we separate, put the mediation and legalities on hold..then decide.
I think this is a stall ploy. He wanted to wait until next summer to divorce. Tried to get me to work more and have time to get a better job. I think I am in the best position right now. I am underemployed as they say. He makes over 80K I make 5200/yr.
I don't see the benefits for me of a separation. Also, I think it will give the kids false hope. Right now, I know pretty much know as much as I am going to re money etc. He has recently gone to paperless statements. Why bother if you have nothing to hide. I also at this point need to ask for money. I didn't used to. He does pay the bills but has taken control over the money. After our Chap7 in '97, I took charge of the checkbook. He gave me his pay, I wrote all the checks. DDay was Jan31'05. In March, he changed all that and leaves me food money.
I don't see any point in dragging this out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: betrayed131
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 5:49pm
I agree with you, it doesn't seem to benefit you in any way to wait unless you really thought the marriage could be saved. It seems his wanting to wait is for financial reasons.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: betrayed131
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 9:21am

I agree, its better for him, not you. It is a stall tactic.


Hugs to you and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
In reply to: betrayed131
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:49pm

I wonder..... if you see no point, then why are you asking.
It sounds grim, but you want to be sure if you have any doubts.

I suggest you speak to your mediator. Request a private meeting or ask any questions while your H and the med. are present. Either way, that will give YOU information and support and a professional opinion.

If you have ANY suspicions about anything, tell your mediator. Now is the time.

If you need help dealing with the confusing and devastating emotional warfare, speak to a profesional counselor or therapist if you have not already. Your mediator can prob recommend one. Mine did and it helped me so much. I made sure I did it while I was still on H's insurance - ha!
I am surviving and dealing one day at a time. You will too.
Take care.
((((((hugs))))))

Tee