Separation and still love each other!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Separation and still love each other!!!
8
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 1:19pm

OK, here is a strange question for anyone out there!!!!


My husband and I have been together for 3 years, when we got together we each had 2 daughters, mine lived with me and his lived with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 2:24pm

Kari,


Hi. Sorry you've come to this point in your marriage.


I strongly encourage you both to get marriage counseling - together and separately. It sounds like you moved very fast into your relationship without considering the consequences of a blended family. That's what you need to sort out. You need help getting your issues out in the open and then you need help addressing them. Nothing will change if you move apart - the debt won't go away, neither one of you is going to feel less overwhelmed, and then you'll have the heartache of separation on top all this frustration.


It sounds like you could also use some budget counseling. Many financial issues arise for the same reason: no one talks about how they'll spend money, they just do. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey (daveramsey.com) as one place to look. They offer his debt-reduction program at many local churches throughout the year. Find one and go!


I also encourage the two of you to use any separation wisely. Very often being apart can provide some relief from the daily "in your face" of emotions but it can also allow you both see more clearly what's going on. Hence, counseling is critical for your marriage to survive.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020


Some commonly misspelled words on this board:


You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 3:34pm

I have already tried the counselling angle, there is no counsellor out there that can give us more hours in the day to spend with our kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 4:10pm

I know that is unusual but I actually think that in some circumstances it could work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 8:07pm

Wel so far we have a plan!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Wed, 08-13-2008 - 10:15am

I think it obvious that the two of you didn't put in the time to see if "blending" a family would work and that your kids could get along.


You don't need marriage counseling - you need family counseling, perhaps then you can work together as a team and not let the kids call the shots and run your lives.


Never saw a situation when a legal separation saved a marriage - usually just a prelude to divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-13-2008 - 10:37am

I dated a guy for a while that had kids, and it was a real balancing act to be sure that my kids had some time with just me... and his kids had some time with just him.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-13-2008 - 11:43am
The plan sounds pretty logical to me, but I wonder, since you still love each other, have you tried counselling to work out the problems so you could stay together?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2008
Wed, 08-13-2008 - 1:51pm

Hi mom kari:


Listen, I hate to say it, but I think this whole move that your husband wanted to initiate is because he is trying to find an easy way to break up and probably hoping with time that he can just say, "Well, we tried together and apart, it just won't work."