Separation.. does it ever really work??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Separation.. does it ever really work??
6
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:30pm

DH and I have been having really bad issues over the past year or so. We have been together for 10 years married for 3 years and have a 8 year old child together. I was so hurt and things got so bad for me, I left and moved back with my parents 2 weeks ago. Now we are 700 miles apart.

The thing is I still love him. I just want him to grow up. That is the majority of my issue. I want him to want to be a family and quit being so selfish. He was there at home, but he really wasn't emotionally. Ya know what I mean? It was like he checked out. He checked out on me and my son. So now I am 27 years old and my son and I are living with my parents.

Does separation ever really work? I miss my husband, I miss the man that I fell in love with. We have been talking on the phone. He is trying to change, and be there for me and our son. I know we both need to work on the relationship to make it work. Has it ever happened? Does separation ever work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 10:54pm
One of my freinds got separated and reconciled with her husband. But she says it is still a daily struggle after a year. I am separated and can't wait to get divorced. it will be final next month. You can't change someone
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 6:33am
My aunt and uncle separated about 10 years ago. I'm not sure how long, since my mom just told me about this. They did get back together and are very happy 10 years later. I've been hoping it would work for me also, since my husband is the one who wanted to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 3:50pm
I know that you cannot change someone. I don't want to change him. I just want him to be there for our family like he used to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:05pm

Sometimes a separation can be a real wake-up call dose of reality... but I also tend to think that separations that are geared toward reconciliation work better if you are close enough in proximity to be able to do things to actually help to get things back on track--like see each other or go to counseling together.


My thought with separation (that my EX was begging that we try before we divorced) was that he just wanted a license to do whatever he wanted, not be accountable, why trying to continue to lie and woo me.... but, every situation is different.


It can work, but I think that you have to actively be doing things to try and save it or at this point, since you're already apart and so far apart, it's easy to just toss in the towel... or for one of you to do that.


Good luck!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 12:02am
What if the your husband has given up and you haven't and he wants to separate. I just had a discussion with my husband last night and he says that he doesn't love anymore and that we have grown apart and want different things but the problem is I feel like I am the same person and I love him very much with all my heart and soul....If we separate, will it work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 7:41pm
I honestly think a separation only works if both people are invested in trying to work things out.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~