The Separation Talk - when did you act?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
The Separation Talk - when did you act?
1
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 6:36pm

So we talked about separation - and I can't help but continue life as normal. Sunday we talked about him finding an apartment and then we're talking about where we plan on having Thanksgiving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 11:51pm

I don't know the normal, I only know my situation, which seems similar to yours. I have been telling him since September of 2007 that we needed a separation, at which point it was financially impossible. We discussed it again seriously in May of this year, when he said he would move out as soon as our house in another state sold. The house sold in June, he was still here. I told him I needed him to move out, he kind of did, kind of didn't. He doesn't have his own place and hasn't moved his things out. Every time I get the nerve to say "separation" I am so proud of myself. But directly after, he starts saying mean things and I shut my mouth. He usually gets me low enough that the next day I am simply scared and unable to find the courage to again ask for him to move out.

A separation is the same as a divorce for him. And, I think it's that way for many. So, it seems common for the actual talk about it to occur well before the actual separation. He's not willing to move out until I tell him it is 100% over, no chance of going back. Is your husband looking for the same thing? I have no idea how much longer this will continue, but it is painful because we both are hurting around each other. It seems so senseless.

Your case kind of seems like you are both still holding on. Have you been to counseling? It just seems that neither of you have given up. I will tell you I have stopped making future plans with and stopped thinking of my husband in my future. Are you enjoying the possibility of future plans with him?