Separation/CS Question

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Separation/CS Question
5
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:46am

Hi! I am a constant lurker here. I have some really low days and it really helps me to come here and know I'm not alone. I have been separated 8 months. In NC you have to be apart 1 year. My problem is about 3 months ago STBX came to me and said he was getting kicked out of his apartment and had nowhere to go but Kentucky where his gf had moved to the previous month. I totally flipped out at the thought of my ds (10 yrs) growing up without a Dad and told him he could stay with me in the guest bedroom for a month or two. Well, he did move out when his gf moved back here and he moved in with her. I am very angry about this because the whole time he was living with me all he did was try to get under my skin to get back together. I did crack some and we did have sex and the whole time he knew he was moving in with her. Now I am getting over the whole betrayal thing, she is welcome to all his BS. My question is since he moved back into my house (not our house, I moved) and we had sex do we have to start all over with the separation time? Second, is there an adultery situation going on here being that we never got legally separated. I have always made more money than him and I'm afraid that he will try to get alimony from me. Also, I can't afford to retain even a cheap lawyer right now, would it be stupid to file CS papers myself? It seems to me it is pretty straight forward since I support my son totally right now. He has paid me about $800 over 8 months including when he stayed at my house for free. Any advice at all will be very much appreciated!

Jessica

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Registered: 06-14-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:18pm

Have you tried doing an online search about separation and divorce in your state? There are likely rules outlined for what is considered a legal separation (in some places you have to file for a "legal separation" while in others you just have to say you're separated and that's a legal separation). There are also likely rules for what's considered a reconciliation, i.e. sharing a bed, being together for a set period of time (eg. here I think it's 90 days), and if you meet the definition of a reconciliation then your waiting period starts when the reconciliation ended rather than from the original separation date. Hope you find out some good news.

Hugs!
-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 2:36pm

Hi... glad that you joined us from Lurkdom!


I think that if he just temporarily stayed with you.... no joint utilities or mortgage/lease, etc..... that the clock would not have to start over.... especially if you both keep mum about it.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:24pm

Thanks, I found the NC Child Support Enforcement website and have started the process. I am very proud of myself, I just wish I hadn't been so nice and done this sooner!

Jessica :)

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Mon, 09-26-2005 - 4:51pm
I extended the olive branch over and over..... being way too nice... but at least I can say that I didn't leave any stone unturned or do anything too hastily.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 10:38pm
I dont know the answer to that, I woudl think it woudlnt "start the clock again". I hope not anyway! & you may want to go back & change your wording ... YIKES! I read "i did crack ..." & thought you meant CRACK COCAINE! lol (well, thats not funny, but now that i know you didnt, it is kind of funny!) (((hugs)))
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