Settlement Agreement

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Settlement Agreement
6
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 3:10am
Hello All...I
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 4:53am

I have to admit I'm a little stunned by your statement that you "had warned him and told him that divorce was expensive but its still the route hes choosing so I told him Hold on to your hat." It sounds so malicious and vindictive. Don't worry, your kids will see things for how they are. It upsets me that people still think people WANT to get divorced. I would have never chosen this, but feel it's the right thing, mainly FOR my husband's happiness. I wish I could make him and some people on here understand that. It's not going to do you or him or your kids in the long run to suddenly believe he's a total jerk.

At any rate, I believe Florida splits everything down the middle. I had no idea social security could be part of this, but I would think they would be more likely to figure out the number and split it in half and you could add it to the alimony (I'm assuming you're going for alimony, too). Are you able to determine the number? In my state, they argue that the wife deserves 60% or higher of the assets when she has been a SAHM. Is that the case with you?




Edited 7/17/2008 4:57 am ET by gogadgetgo
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 7:24am
Yes maybe to you it sounds malicious and vindictive, have you had to deal with all the issues and problems IM dealing with while my stbx is out enjoying his new life, his new family, his new toys?? While Im at home dealing with kids, house maintenance, bills, hiring an attorney for our son who has a child in NY and mom is filing paperwork for custody, he has ADD
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 8:14am

You have every right to feel the way you do. In my own situation, my husband left and did so may things that were so horrible, I can not help feel this way. He has lied to my daughter about me, taken me to court by saying I was going to shoot him with a gun( I have no gun, and don't know the first thing about shooting one), he had our utilities shut off without telling me, it took 2 days for me to turn them back on in my own name, and now his dog, who he had agreed to take but never did, is sick and I do not have the money to take him to the vet. He is not responsible for anything except some financial help.


I don't know what it is in Florida, it may be 50 50, but I live in PA, and my lawyer has gotten 65 percent of the assests for women in the past. I have a part time teaching job, he makes a zillion times more than me, if you have a similar situation, you might be able to get alimony. In PA, it is usually 30 percent of the difference between the 2 salaries. Also, I believe you get your Social Security or half of his, which ever is more. You can also get him to pay health insurance for up to 3 years if you do not have it

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 8:15am

No, obviously, I haven't had to deal with your husband's crap or your life. I didn't mean to imply I know exactly what you or anyone else on here is going through. I completely agree that you should go for whatever you need to make it. I just hate seeing a lot of people on here allowing hate and negativity to eat away at their souls (I think vengeance does this, as good as it might feel for the moment).

It should be a state obligation for him to pay for college, just as he would child support, you should look into that. As far as your health insurance, that is imperative. Look into costs for that and either make it part of alimony or a lump sum or child support even. My mom gave me a good piece of advice and I'm not sure how it will work in your case since your kids are older, but she suggested that since child support is not taxable, to make any money possible child support instead of alimony.

It's just hard sometimes to see these posts of things people do admittedly to be vindictive and hurtful when I know how much I am hurting, how much I have cried over the past year while making this decision and while allowing myself to be a punching bag for my husband. I guess it just seems that people assume the person asking for a divorce is just happy-go-lucky-i-don't-care-about-my-former-spouse-at-all and I hope to at least partially dispel that myth. I'm sorry that your marriage has ended. I'm sorry that your ex has seemingly moved on and has decided not to be a parent or take care of responsibilities that he should. I've been watching my husband do the same thing for the past month, since we became separated. He's purchased new toys, leased TWO APARTMENTS (one of which he only spends every other weekend in), gone out to nice dinners at every night, gone to visit friends and party it up every night, all while I stay home with the three kids, and their acting out due to the separation, that he has refused to talk to them about. So, trust me, I do understand a little how you feel

I truly wish you the best of luck and hope that things go well for you in the future.




Edited 7/17/2008 8:20 am ET by gogadgetgo
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2007
Thu, 07-17-2008 - 9:32am

Hello Mary!, I am assuming you do have an attorney? Yes? If you do, you write down everything..assets and debts...your attorney will give you advice as you go along.


Take pictures of everything! Household furnishings, outdoor stuff, tools, cars etc.


Are you planning Mediation?


I left the marital home (for the 4th time) last September and filed for divorce against my 2nd husband of 18 years. He's abusive and an alcoholic, my second Marine.


Went to court in front of a judge last November for temp orders. He makes avg $80k per year, I havent worked in 7 years for differing reasons.


Assets: House (both our names on it, owned it 3 yrs at the time) 2 cars, small 401k. Debt roughly 40k


Judge issued I keep my car I was driving (only titled in his name, a gift 3 yrs prior) he pay the car payments and insurance (about $450 mth) no spousal support, he gets house and all debts for now. He hasnt paid a penny on debts, so is basically in contempt AND ruined my good credit.


ALL I asked for was $800 per month for spousal support while I finished schooling of 18 mths to get a decent job. I have guardianship of my 5 yr old granddaughter and need to make some kind of living.


Nope. Had to quit school and look for a low paying job. I found after 6 mths I just could not do it on low wages (lucky 1k mth) pay rent, bills, gas and support my g-daughter.


It can go any way. I am in OK, much different than Florida..plus different judges. Heck, the stbx even told the judge he needed $600 per month just to feed himself because he likes to go out to eat! I did all the grocery shopping/cooking/cleaning and we, as a family of 3, made it fine on $380 per month...go figure! We never went out to eat except for maybe Denny's once every few months.


He can have the house (its big..4bdrm, 2 lvg, 2 full baths, pool, koi pond, fruit trees, courtyard, double lot), tools, dogs, all the years of yard work and equipment we accumulated, his car, his 401k...all of it..I dont care.


Just be careful...ask for more, get less.....


Oh..as for the social security. Check out the online website. It will tell you how to qualify. Basically if you have been married 10 years or more AND do not remarry, you are entitled to a percentage of his ss when HE retires. It is not something you ask for in a divorce, it's a given. There are forms and stuff to fill out..the SS website will tell you how.


~Lisa  =))

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 7:37am

Hi Mary,


Have been wanting to respond for a few days now.