Sharing custody of toddlers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Sharing custody of toddlers
3
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 2:24pm
I'm a little concerned about having my toddlers (3 years, 18 months) staying without me on the weekends when with their dad. They're very mommy-dependent, as I think young toddlers tend to be. I'm looking for others with experience in this area. How long should visits be? Have your toddlers had issues with switching back and forth between parents? Thanks...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 8:00pm
My boys are 2 1/2 and 4. We try to arrange visits so that they don't go more than 2-3 days without seeing each of us. They manage being with their dad on weekends relatively well, but it's like a free-for-all. They do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, sleep where ever and when ever they want. I dunno. It's nto the best IMO, but it's a necessary evil. Frankly, the kids manage time away form me better than I manage time away from them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 2:24pm

There is quite alot of literature out there on itty bittys and shared parenting. Emory, The truth about children and divorce and the Sandcastles book might help with these questions. The child psych my stbx and I work with says they should see ea. parent every 2-3 days, no less frequently than that! Otherwise anxiety sets in. Also, she recommends nesting at the beginning (the parents do the moving; the kids stay in the family home)to ease their adjustments. Depending on a child's temperment, overnights away from mom may be very traumatic; really depends on their temperment. Some young ones may do fine with overnights away.

I say all this, but we haven't gotten to this point yet. We are planning on nesting. I have huge concerns about my stbx's ability to maintain a safe, relatively clean, decent place for my children to be, so not sure how visitation will happen.

Gl,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 11:26pm
I am in the same situation. I have a 4 yr old and a 1 yr old. My 4 yr old does fine when he is at his dads. My 1 yr old cries for me all the time. We have been broken up for about 4 months now and he has kept his son twice overnight and his daughter zero times. He has failed to get them when we said he would. At first it bothered me, but now I rather them be with me anyways. I think it really depends on your kids. If they are clingy to you or fine being away from you. Give is a shot and if it is terrible then I would hope your x wouldn't force them to stay. Just see what happens.