She moved in

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
She moved in
6
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 3:35pm
I have a mediation meeting on 3/23 and my STBX just informed me that he has a GF and she is pregnant w/his baby. They have moved into the house and are getting married. Boy what a surprise, when we were separated we were working on it, then the divorce proceedings started and in Feb and I knew it was probably over. But I cannot believe that he is going to get married again for the 3rd time and he is not even divorced yet. He already has one son from his first marriage, my son from our marriage, and now 3rd times a charm. I hurt because I cant believe he can leave one family for another and how come he can be so happy and in love and here I am to pickup the pieces w/just my son and I. Im also wondering if I can get more child support because they are living together. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 3:59pm

Child support is based on income. Some states it's just his income, most states is a combination of both parents income. Expenses that can be considered to raise or lower cs are usually daycare and insurance related expenses for the child. Who he's living with won't make a difference. Subsequent children usually do not affect the cs calculation (in some states it can). Previous children usually do affect the calculation.




Edited 3/11/2005 4:00 pm ET ET by firstamendment

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 4:51pm

Hi Melrose.
I hope you don't feel bad for your feelings - being lonely and "betrayed" is normal, even if the divorce have already been pronounced. You are feeling replaced, displaced, whatever was your house is not so anymore. She is probably living in your old house, is she? and she is happy - and you feel like you are getting the worse end of the deal.

Well, think again. What makes you think that this time will be so different for your ex? he cannot have learned much during the separation, if he is jumping in a new relationship (and marriage and baby) so fast! That woman will most likely need friends soon.

As for getting more money - probably not. I've even heard fools saying that if the new "family" has a child, the payments to the previous one should be lowered (I know, a load of crap) - the concept would be that its a big happy family, and all siblings have rights to the same share... foggy, I know.
Dear, just get out of it with your head high. By giving yourself the time to heal, you are doing what is right and normal. Soon, the pieces will be together, and you will find a wonderful new person to share life with, if that is what you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:04pm
Yes you are right, I feel like all those things and it is hard to get out of that mindset when all your mind does is wander all the time. I am doing things to get rid of the wandering, right now my concern is my son and I. Its hard being a single parent, and I just want to make sure my son is taken care of. There is gonna come a time when he asks me about why he has so many siblings w/different families. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Im glad I found this site, it definitely helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 6:42pm
Well, i don't know about the child support issue I'm still trying to get my to pay his court ordered. As for the girlfriend thing, the first thing that came to my mind is when you said, "he's happy" but remember how happy he was with you, i'm not sure what happend in his first marriage and i'm sure he was "happy" at one time then, and I'm not sure what happened with your marriage. But my thoughts are of course he's happy now, but if this his third marriage how happy can he stay, and for how long. The women on this board are great and they have and are helping me, stay here you'll get through this.
laura
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: melrose02
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:24pm
My x told me last night after his night at the bar that they met a man who told him the sadest story about his true love. Basically the man was married and had a 7 month old son. He had an affair (his true love) and his wife told him to take a weekend with her and then decide what he wanted to do. As he left to see tl, he looked back and saw wife & son at the door. He spent the weekend with her and never saw her again. He had been seeing her a few months and still to this day says she was the love of his life. He's on his 3rd marriage now I think and thinks he needs to end that one soon. (his 1st wife killed herself). None of that is important though, sorry! I pointed out to my X that it's easy having a love of your life when you're only with the person for a short period of time. It's after it gets to be 6+ years!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
In reply to: melrose02
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 5:17pm

Dear ^Melrose,
to your son, this life will be normal. He may compare with his friends at school, but how many "sitcom" family are really out there? he may very well come back thanking you for not being exposed to all that. What my DD envy in her schoolmate is not the family, but rather the availability of the mom - here many married women stay home to take care of the kids, and she wishes I could be home too. Yet, she is very pround.

I fully believe that the trick is in letting go of the anger. I am not a good teacher at that - I wish I had found a way by now. I am now looking in meditation, thinking that perhaps distance may help... I have no idea how I would have reacted to a situation like yours, I believe you are being very fair and level-headed, please keep it up. This is the way to win your life back.