Sheer Ugliness .......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sheer Ugliness .......
19
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:39am

WHEN will it STOP!?!?!?!


This mornings pick up was horrendous. In *front* of our child, he said "You want to F with me & try to get people to testify against me in court?" (he ran into his old boss who 2 months ago told me if i needed him, he woudl be happy to testify to STBX's insanity, alcoholism, etc & i told him that i would give his name to my atty, in case we went to trial - so he is now totally flipped out)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 8:58pm
He may be hyding it still..... or she may be hyding ;-) not wanting to admit to anyone just yet that she's got a real winner!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 10:24pm

Thanks everyone - I am just going to do one repsonse to all, if thats ok.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 5:17pm

Rlch - I have read your posts for quite awhile, and I really admire the way you think, and how you care for your DD! You have been dealing with Stbx for a long time, and he has been out of the house for a long time... I'm sorry but I would have thought you'd have a better handle on this by now. Really sorry, this is just one woman's opinion.

When he started in, you lept to his bait. While your DD looked on. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. When he started in, the proper response was, "our daughter is here. We cannot discuss this."

When he tried to escalate, you should have said, "not now." And when he turned to his DD and tried a play for her sympathy, you took a big risk by also addressing your DD to contradict him. A GAL might look VERY POORLY on that. He put her in the middle, but then... you KEPT HER THERE. She was the rope, and each of you took and end, and started yanking. Ouch. If this conversation gets brought out in Court, the Judge is pretty likely to want to slap your hand, as well as Stbx's. "He started it," is no excuse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 10:50pm

Yes, I did leep to the bait. THIS time. I cannot TELL you how many times i havent. Literally, almost every time i see him, he starts in. 80% (or more) of the time i do what is right, i tell him "we arent discussing this", "call your atty", etc.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 12:54am
Rose, Im sorry/ I was a bit harsh there! I am so tired, stressed & am now on a 13 horu overnite shift - i read your reply fast, on my break, then replied quickly. I re-read just now & i especially re-read the 1st paragrah - thank you. Have to run too many labor patients! lol
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:49am
Thanks so much for your thoughts. R~
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:36pm
I am so sorry that you and your daughter have to go thru this. Your H sounds a lot like mine. I also have a 5 yr old dd and mine is making everything my fault when he has been living a double life for 18 years, and it is mom's fault and mom is hurting him by trying to take everything away from him in court. She doesn't even know what court is but asked me yesterday on the way to school. I know I have to do damage control but not sure how b/c he is going to continue to tell her it is my fault. He just came over to visit because this is his first visitation since our court date Tuesday and I was on my way home. When I got there, he was standing in the drive way saying I was was violating court orders because I was 2 min. late. He then wanted to use the bathroom and I told him court orders said we can't enter each other's residence but he could go outside. He then said, that would not be appropriate for the child. What's up with that, child. Couldn't even say her name. I told him to go behind the new big barn he just had built. He does it all the time when he comes home drunk, instead of going in the house, he'll urinate out by the back door like a dog. He then said we could do whatever we decided so I said, you make that choice but the court orders said, we aren't supposed to enter eachothers residence. He squeezed his fist and shook his head and walked off. I just know he is going to try to do anything to get to me because Tuesday I took him to court because we could not agree on Temp custody hearing. He is a severe alcoholic who constantly drinks and drives and is very unstable, threatening suicide several times. Before I got to court, my atty called and said his atty wanted to talk. Good thing for him because I had several witnesses including his mom and sister and just found out right before the hearing that his parents and the judge are very good friends. Well, I did get what I wanted, no overnights unless he stays at his parents with her and he has to keep a supply of alcohol test strips that he will have to submit to anytime I request him to and I plan to request it everytime he takes her and brings her home. He's the kind that if you give him an inch, he'll take a mile and he'll use going in the house against me later on.
Also, my I had my atty say that he could not have our dd around anyone of the opposite sex around my daughter unless it is a relative and then she also named the OW too. I was thrilled about that. If he drinks or gets caught with the OW in front of my dd he loses all custody. It was a good day! but I know it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better.
Just keep sticking to your guns. You are doing the right thing taking care of your dd. If we don't who will. Sounds to me like you are a strong woman! Stay strong
: ) Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 6:44pm
I definitely did not mean to "really put you down." Communicating on boards can be really hard (not as hard as communicating with idiot Exes). For your DD, every slip will hurt. You are doing well. Keep striving to become button free. Zen cat, floating above the jagged edges of this world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:16pm
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnn........."

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