Should I....?
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| Sat, 03-05-2005 - 6:29pm |
Greetings All,
I'm so confused... I came here today because I always get good honest advice in here. Last January my ex husband left just as I got my business license and commercial kitchen for my cookie business. Literally I started my business January 1 and by January 31st he was gone.
Before I quit my job to start the business I discussed it with him and he agreed that substitute teaching would be an OK income supplement for us while I got the business going (He's a contract courier). He had only been back home for 7 months before he left this time; he had left before and stayed away for 9 months. This time when he left he didn't give me time to save up money to prepare for the expenses of living alone. For the most part of our marriage, his income was 2 to 3 times larger than mine. When he left all I had was my substitute teaching job and a new business. I never got the business off the ground because immediately when he left, I had to take a part-time job delivering newspapers in an attempt to make ends meet. I was paying for the commercial kitchen, commercial insurance and my household expenses and didn't have time for the business for working 2 jobs. The household expenses were way more than I could handle let alone pay for business stuff too. Even with the two jobs I couldn't pay for everything. After about 4 months of working both the route and substitute teaching, I decided that maybe if I really concentrated on the cookie biz that I could eventually make that a source of income. So by summer I only had the paper route which paid after taxes $200 a week. I did successfully get my cookies into two retail stores however, a technical glitch with the decoration on the cookies caused me to pull them. So now biz is failing, I can't live on $200 a week. Car eventually breaks from the wear and tear of the paper route. All along I'm looking for jobs and going on job interviews to no avail.
With no car getting job seemed even more elusive. I now had no job and no car - can't deliver papers without a car. For a month I had no cash flow. I got a little break when school began a month after my car broke down. A school that had me on their preferred list gave me a 2 month assignment - so I took public transportation there. The substitute teaching was helpful but by this point bills had piled up and there was no way to pay back what had accumulated. Landlord was threatening to put me out; bill collectors were calling - and ex husband would pitch me a bone every once in awhile in the form of $30 or $40 here and there. The worst experience I've had during this horrendous poverty period is getting on the bus with a huge suitcase that has wheels to do my grocery shopping. Even after I started substitute teaching I couldn't afford to fix my car. So I had to use public transportation for everything. Whew! shopping in the rain for groceries on public transportation SUCKS! And passing all those homeless people in the downtown area (few buses go to suburban grocery stores) was very scary to me. I totally feared that my situation would have landed me in a homeless shelter eventually.
I got tired of the hell and left the city and moved to a rural area in hopes of a less expensive way of living. It was bumpy at first but now I have a job. I have been temporarily separated from my darling doggie Hobo until I find a place that allows dogs. She was my best buddy through all of the madness. I'm jut glad someone agreed to foster her till I get on my feet. Bless her little doggie heart. I can honestly say I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.
OK, here's what I'm confused about..... Ex husband (btw we haven't filed for a divorce yet - but I most certainly want one!) Ex husband called me last week and asked me to file taxes jointly. I initially told him no. He begged me and said that he needed me to because he would like to file for citizenship and he needs proof of marriage. I asked why he wants his citizen so bad... after all he has his green card. His response was, "It will make life easier." Gee... my life was kinda difficult last year. He never once asked me how I was getting to the grocery store when my car broke down. When I complained about my situation, he said, "it's not my fault that you quit your job!"
I'm confused because I don't want to deny him his citizenship, but if all he wants it for is to make life easier then... Life after he left last year was devasting emotionally and financially for me. This is by far the worst poverty I have ever experienced in MY LIFE!
Should I help him?

Honey, he doesn't need a joint tax return to demonstrate marriage. That's what a marriage license is for. My question is whether he wants to file joint in order to make it look like you're still together. If so, that would be misrepresentation and you could get into serious trouble. If your marriage is what keeps him in the country or allows him to pursue citizenship, then you'd better let him deal with it on his own.
Glad to hear things are looking up for you. Take care.
"....My question is whether he wants to file joint in order to make it look like you're still together."
Yes, I think he wants it to look like we're still together. Actually he has a green card and as far as I know he's not about to be departed. He just wants citizenship. He claims it will make it easier for him. He mentioned that he could vote, get an American passport and more.
My XH tried this with me too... taxes DO NOT have to be filed jointly if you were living apart for more than 6 months of the year.... AND you can file single if you have proof of address that is different from STBX's address. In my case, my XH wanted to file my children that I have sole custody of in order to get a fat return. HA!
I filed alone and had them done professionally so he doesn't get a penny.
I think in this case you have to do what you feel is right. If you "want" to help him, go for it, but the reason he gave you is bologna...lol. I don't know what would make him want to do that.......
Amen sista! LOL
Good for you!
and i know what your feeling about your dog.
my ex-h took my beloved dog when he sold the house and moved because i couldnt afford to rent somewhere that would let me have a dog.
heck i couldnt afford to feed her!
im glad youre going to get her back
hugs to you
Hey! I experienced my first winter lightning storm in Iowa in December 2004. It was weeeeiiiiirrrrdddddd and kinda surreal(spelling??) I never saw thunder and lightning when snow was on the ground before.
Thanks for your input. And Yes! I feel very lucky that I will be getting my doggie back. Bless her little doggie heart. She's my Boo!