Should I agree?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Should I agree?
4
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 1:07pm

I finally told my husband I can’t take it any more. To say he was shocked means not to say anything – HE WAS SHOCKED! As far as I understand he never thought anyone in my situation (no job, no family, a little child) would dare to do anything like this (when I once mentioned that he has to stop treating me this way, otherwise he shouldn’t be surprised to not find me waiting for him at home, his reply to that was – don’t threaten with something you’ll never dare do anyway. Well, guess, what, honey – I did). Anyway, after several times of him reminding me that I’m the one 100% responsible for our failed marriage, I’m depriving our son of a NORMAL family (is a constantly crying and depressed mom considered to be normal?), that I’m going to cripple him with all this – he all of the sudden suggests that we should try and do this amicably - he found some site on the Net, that does that.

Here is my question – should I agree? Here is a rough picture: I don’ have a job, I don’t have nay saving, we don’t own a house… I don’t want to be a total @^% and screw his life (although I definitely could, if I meant to), I also would rather save and not get involved with a lawyer. However, having said that – can I trust him? How will I know he is going to be fair and not cheat me out of something I deserve? He doesn’t produce an impression of someone who’s going to be good during divorce. As to why he doesn't want to have lawyers, my guess is that he just doesn't want all the stuff I have about him to be out (he holds a pretty high position).

Anyway, here’s what we’re at… Any thoughts, ladies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: justsmone
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 1:22pm
Actually doing it without lawyers is a good way to go especially if you don't have a lot of property and assets to split up. You still go through a mediation process and you don't have to agree to anything that he proposes. One thing that was suggested to me through the court official was to find a divorce counselor. This person isn't a lawyer, but they can tell you what to expect and kind of lead you down the long road of divorce. It's a long 6 months or so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
In reply to: justsmone
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 1:59pm
Thanks so much! I've heard some really good things about mediators. I'll also use your advise about a divorce counselor. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: justsmone
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 6:30pm

I had a very amicable divorce, but I would never never never never ever go through a divorce without my own attorney

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: justsmone
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 9:05pm

I agree with Jennie (firstamendment), with a child involved, you really do need an attorney, and if everything is amicable, then it will help to keep the cost down.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~