Should i ask for divorce?please tell me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Should i ask for divorce?please tell me.
1
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 9:22am

I am having a bad marriage since one year.I caught my husband cheating on me with four women.whenever i asked him,he said he does not know why these women are calling him.It was both are fault and i accepted my faults and corrected them whereas my husband never accepted any of his faults.he blamed me for cheating.I was the one who made him a cheater.
After fighting and arguing with him non stop,i finally said ok if you think am the culprit,then so be it.

Now can you forgive me or not?he said yes but none of his actions are convincing.
Like-
He never calls me in a day.

He does not talk ,only talks to me if i open up to him and ask questions.

He comes home just to watch television and sleep.

He leads a secret life,where he goes,what he does.He does not tell me when he will come home.
he suddenly comes home without telling.

He gets lunch,dinner without telling me,on his own whether i want to eat that stuff or not.

No sex,no touching.he only kisses on cheek if i tell him to.

He has no link with my life.He does not want to be seen with me,so he leads his own life with that free slut of his.

He comes home at 10.00

His parents have stopped talking to me.they just call him.

THINGS WHICH HAVE IMPROVED -

Whenever i call him,he picks up my call.

whatever questions i ask,he replies.

he has stopped going on weekends with his other woman

stopped getting gifts.

he allows me to go through his cell phone.

he has started coming home early as compared to earlier.

I am sick and tired of leading a single life on my own.so i decided to make friends of my own and i ended up making one guy my friend.he is very helpful and i started feeling good about life.one day i got late and my husband came home early.i told him about this man,he got very angry and told me to stop.he said if you feel am not treating you good,you can go to your parents house or to your brother till he finishes his affair and gets a job in different country.
i told him you can take his number,meet him and whatever comfort you want i will give you.he said am having an affair and now you are starting one more problem,are you taking revenge?i said no,just time pass till you sort out your physical affair of one year.he said he tried his best but couldnt finish so now he is trying to get out of this place.
i asked him ,what if we move out and your free slut starts calling you day and night and make our life hell?he said then you can leave me.WTF?WTF?
i lost my senses and started shouting that am i stupid for waiting such a long and you acting like eunuch.he laughed and said oh you are making assumptions.i said here you are doing nothing to stop your affair and you think by moving out this will get sorted out.
he said yes and if it does not then you can leave me.

what should i do?should i pick up a job staying with him?and roam around with my friends and wait for him to finish his affair

should i divorce straight and look for a new guy to marry?

you think is there any hope this guy will change with time?because he has always treated me good all these years.since his affair he has become a devil.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 10:32am

(((Hugs)))


I am so sorry you're going through all of this. Have you visited the Betrayed Spouses Support board? They might be of more help than this one, but of course you are WELCOME to keep posting here since these issues often go hand in hand.


Your husband is in his 'fence sitting' stage. Most cheaters do this. However, no one can decide on whether or not to divorce your husband except for YOU. I know, it sucks. When I was trying to decide whether or not to leave my marriage (I did) all I wanted was for someone to TELL ME to get a divorce. Even when a marriage counselor told me to kick his butt to the curb I STILL wasn't convinced!


So, this affair is still going on? He's still seeing this skank of his? Yikes. Personally, I couldn't handle that. If it were ME (and it's not, it's you) I would tell him to ditch her or I was gone. I was considering leaving b/c my STBX-H was verbally and emotionally abusive (btw: your H is obviously emotionally abusing you, however, do NOT bring this up to him, it will only make things harder for you). We had separated and were each getting counseling on our own. He was going to move back home. Two days before he was to come home he was here visiting with the kids. His cell phone rang and he answered it. It was a woman and obviously one that was begging him to come out with her that night ( I could hear her talking). He finally asked if he could call her back later (wow, just thinking about that day is bringing tears to my eyes and I've defiantly moved on at this point). So, I asked who it was. At first he lied and said a guy from work. When I told him I could hear her talking he said it was a friend. So, I asked if he had been seeing her. He just stammered and stuttered, etc. So, I asked if he was wanting to try and put our family back together (we had 2 boys at the time and I was 5 months pregnant with #3) or was he going to continue seeing her? He said, "I, I just don't know."

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