should I be harder

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
should I be harder
3
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 9:34pm

I am still going through my divorce and every day is a challenge. The divorce was my decision and it took me 10 years to go through with it. Here is the thing, I don't hate my ex, I just don't feel anything for him. I know that sounds harsh but empathy is the best that I can do. A year before I filed he moved to Texas for work and I stayed behind to finish school. He called me last week to tell me that he had screwed up his tax papers and as a result he owes the gov't a ton of money. Well, I had given him the option to file seperate or joint and he wanted nothing to do with paying any of "my taxes" so he said seperate. Well, I did my taxes this weekend and because I have the kids, dependant care expense and student loan interest as well I am getting money back.
Don't get me wrong I have plenty of bills that I can spend the money on but a part of me thinks that I should at least have our taxes run together and see if there is anyway that it would come out as an tax neutral situation. It probably wouldn't but I am just so used to taking care of him and fixing his mistakes that I feel guilty. I know that he would not even give it a second thought if the shoe were on the other foot but I am really trying not to be one of those divorced couples that can't be in the same room together and use their kids as go betweens and weapons. Last Christmas I paid for the presents that the kids wanted to get their dad and will do the same for his birthday and Father's day before they leave to spend summer time with him this year.

Can someone please tell me if my hard work to keep this a pleasant divorce will be worth it in the end? Because in all honesty most days I just want to skewer him and BBQ him over hot coals. Am I being niave to believe that this is the best way to be for our kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 10:21pm
Welcome to divorceland. You are hurting yourself and your kids if you try to bale you ex out. Buying presents and putting Dads name on tag is all part of the deal. There are no instructions on how to make nice for the kids. But please don't do something that you will regret. Things happen that you will need that money for. Cars break down, Kids lose jackets. Or break someone elses stuff. The washer breaks down. The list can go on forever. I mean it's your choice, but are you ready to do this again and again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:34am
I can feel your pain, have been separated for almost a year, just finalized my divorce last week, he has been paying child support, but can barely afford to, I have just kept paying his car insurance ( until this month) and let him have 1/2 the tax return, and not pushing to get his 1/2 on medical bills, sporting fees etc, just to play nice. Now we are divorced and it is all legally required I will probably push a little more but know he can't really afford much more and don't want to strain relationship anymore... Just do what feels right but take care of you first, if you don't then kids will suffer from your kindness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:02pm

I would just tell him that you already talked about that, made a decision, and that you've already filed--end of discussion.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~