Should I file for divorce?
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Should I file for divorce?
| Thu, 04-14-2005 - 4:35pm |
My wife left me the day before new year's eve. I was very mentally abusive and was very mean. I was just so frustrated that I was not providing for her the way I should that I ended up taking it out on other people including her. I am pretty sure that she never wants to see me again. I am wondering should I file or should I wait for her to.
I had an accident at work and am receiving a very large settlement. I am debating whether or not she would take me back just because of that :(
I am unsure of what to do.
Jerrod

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Although I welcome other perspectives, I do believe you might be pusing the bar on this one.
I don't get alimony, my ex husband cannot keep up with child support payments and all of a sudden started cancelling his visits with the kids because he "didn't have money to buy food and diapers for the kids "
He lives with his girlfriend, just bought a used van ( paid cash ) and new appliances for their apartment and she works. They have no children together.
I didn't ask for alimony, when he cancelled this weekend I offered to send food, diapers and other necessities over to his house from my house and he STILL didn't take the kids or pay ALL of the child support.
What did I do? I said I understood and told him to take it easy. I also offered additional time with the children on an "off weekend" and wished his girlfriend ( of whom he cheated on me with and then left me for when I was 4 months pregnant with our second child ) best of luck ( her father is ill )
I think when you state that we are male bashing women, you should probably realize you are ex wife bashing. We love other perspectives and have a lot of male posters on this board. This is NOT just for women. I know in my own posts I clearly state that it shouldn't JUST be women bitching and there are men who have issues too.
We all hurt in divorce. No matter what way.... it happens.
Hugs to you and we hope you can find our support useful in your time of need.
Angelena
This is what I said:
>>>I was absolutely CERTAIN that my post to the OP was supportive and helpful. I think others were too. You can pick out one unsupportive post and attack that and hold it up as evidence that this board is unsupportive of men, but that is simply not true.<<<
What I was referring to was your statement that "Maybe other women on this board will be supportive of you but not this one." I can completely understand you not wanting to be supportive of an abusive man given your current situation, I don't think you should have to and I am guessing the OP would agree with that. I was only saying your post was unsupportive because you said yourself you were not supportive of the OP. When I said I was certain my post and others were helpful to the OP, I said that because he was saying that this board is unsupportive as a whole. Just because a woman coming out of an abusive situation (rightfully) cannot feel supportive towards an abusive man does not mean this board demonizes all men (as the poster I was responding to has suggested). I hope that makes my point more clear. I was not at all intending for anyone to read it as an attack on you, or trying to say you did not have an open mind. You are right that your post may have been just as helpful (or maybe more so) to the OP than any other post because of the position you are in. I cannot know what the OP thinks and I should not have made any assumptions about that.
>>>I'm sorry firstamendment, I have read many of your responses to people as well as my own, and forgive me for saying this, but you seem to have a holier-than-thou attitude in your posts. I feel like you are giving advice from above because of the therapy you said you have gone thru, as have many people.<<<
My only reason for being here on this board is to help people. I am sorry if you do not like the way that I express myself, and I can only hope that others disagree with you. If you have any specific examples I would be happy to address them and clarify, and I am always open to constructive criticism, but unfortunately I can't do much with a general statement about my attitude. I can assure you it's not because I've been in therapy. This is just who I am. I feel I have a lot to offer here because I am a child of divorce, I was abandoned by her father, I was raised by a single mother, I am divorced mom myself and I have a good co-parenting relationship with my ex. I don't look down on anyone here (I guess that is what you mean by 'giving advice from above' and 'climb down off of that pedestal you seem to have put yourself on') and I don't think it's fair to accuse me of that.
Maybe if enough other posters agree with you, you can all get together and ask me to leave.
Edited 4/18/2005 2:26 pm ET ET by firstamendment
Jerrod- I am someone who has recently had her H removed b/c of likely what you say has gone on with you. My X never could provide, b/c of alcholism, rage, depression & never being able to keep a job - whether b/c he got fired b/c he was miserable, or b/c he quit all the time. Either way, i stood by him over & over. from the beginning he felt i as "above" him. I have a couple college degrees, I have a very close supportive family & i have a great career. All things he never had ... but neither was he WILLING to try. & never EVER did i hold him to those standards, HE did.
I personally find your postings informative, helpful, and well-thought. I definitely want you to continue posting here. I have learned a lot from you (as well as many other thoughtful ladies on the board).
Hi smiley.... I think that we can all understand how you're feeling.... and see the sincerity that you just wrote.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
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