Should I get a lawyer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Should I get a lawyer
9
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 9:06am

Hi all

I've been separated for almost 4 years now. My ex and I divided everything up, I got more money from the sale of our house, but he got our travel trailer and equity in the truck. So all our "stuff" is divided.

He has finally filed for divorce, it's supposed to be no fault. I don't have a lawyer, not sure if I need one. Basically, the agreement states that he will pay child support and that our daughter will reside with me. I'm supposed to give him "Generous access" to her. So do I just sign?

Hate to waste the money on a lawyer if it's not necessary. I just want to make sure everything for my kid is covered. He just wants to get on with it, so he can move in to his NEW house with his NEW girlfriend and her two kids.

I waffle between being petty and just wanting to be done with it. NOt sure what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 10:38pm

Hi -- I say ABSOLUTELY get a lawyer. Do not let him take advantage of you in any way. A lawyer will help protect you. Good luck to you.

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 8:47am

Yeah, but I'm not sure that it's going to help. I think I've received as much money from the jerk as I can. I will retain custody, which is what I want. I spoke with a lawyer and she said the only reason I REALLY need one is to make sure he's NOT lying about his tax returns (but that I can request to see them) and that he may owe me some arrears.

However, last year, I received a settlement from a former employer and I don't want HIM to get any of it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 9:05am

Who is going to pay the medical expenses (including dental)? Who is going to carry health insurance on the kids? Who is going to pay for extracurriculars? Daycare? These are things that also *need* to be in your decree. Usually it's each of you pay 1/2. Don't sign anything until an atty looks it over. You can hire one just to look at the paperwork. Don't "rush" just to get this done. You'll shortchange yourself.

Good luck

Image hosting by Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 9:51am

based on my own personal (read bad) experience, I would be leery of agreeing to anything that did not spell out visitation and just left it flexible like that. Maybe your ex is a normal human (unlike mine LOL) but it just strikes me as something that leaves way too much open for interpretation. It also gives him a lot of power over your life, because of lack of planning. I don't know what his parenting time has been like so far but this just sounds like you are leaving yourself open for problems in the future.

JMO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 5:32pm
Please see my post under can i get a D without a lawyer. I would caution against it and that is from my personal experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 10:29pm

I would highly recommend specific visitation rights. My ex went through this with his first wife. They didn't have them and she refused to let them come for summer visitation. She also knew we were getting married and had already pruchased the dresses for the girls.

You can both agree on the terms without a lawyer but if he refuses then deffinately get a lawyer.Specific rights give you both control. You can't refuse him and he can't refuse you. It is in the best interest for all involved, especially the kids. I insisted on them with ex because he would take advantage of my time. He was supposed to pick the kids up by 5 PM on his agreed on days. He was waitng until 6 or 7 before he would show up. Now he only has a half hour time frame or they stay with me and he gives up that time.

Hope this helps.
K:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 08-02-2006 - 11:13pm

Well, I was okay with leaving visitation open, as he works out of town most of the time. Plus, he can't be bothered with the kid half the time! His lawyer is asking for Joint custody, with her residing with me and "generous access". Maybe I need something about decent notice or something. He's so bad at bringing her back late at night (she's 13, so it's not THAT big of a deal).

I don't know what to do. I hate to waste money I don't have on a lawyer, but I certainly don't want him calling the shots!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 4:30am
My custody evaluator did have it put it that he had to call me the night before to let me know he intended to use his parenting time - but we have specific days and times spelled out in the agreement. If you wanted to leave it open due to his work hours/travel being erratic, maybe you could at least put in a phone call required with so many hours notice. Maybe some posters who have xspouses that travel/work changeable hours will be able to give you advice of how that was handled in their agreements.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2006
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 5:33pm

If you don't want him calling the shots, you should get an attorney in line that will stand up for you. What works now may not in the future and you won't have a leg to stand on. Than you may end up back in court anyway spending the money than or maybe even more .

robin