Should I Give Him Another Chance?? Help!
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Should I Give Him Another Chance?? Help!
| Mon, 01-16-2006 - 2:32am |
I've been married almost 6 years & engaged only 1 year before that. We have 5 yo son. My husband has always lied to me (both big & small lies, he's what I call a compulsive liar) & I've never trusted him from before we got married. He is a outgoing guy who is liked by all especially my family but the things he's done wrong is: texting other girls (high school girls at his work); I've found an email from another girl when I was pregnant saying that she couldn't wait to kiss him again; found underwear under his seat in his truck; always takes out about $1000/month for cash(for gambling he says); lies to me about money. And he can always talk himself out of things...they are just friends, we went surfing and she changed in my truck and her underwear must have gotten stuck under my seat, etc. I thought I could look past that. He's disrespected me by lying & cheating (only orally, is what he says & giving me an STD). I feel we've never had a strong foundation for our marriage. I've brought up the lying to him and told him how it makes me feel. He always says he's going to change & that he won't hurt me any longer. Before we were married, I think I wanted so bad to get married that I wasn't thinking straight & was willing to do what I had to do to start a family. I thought I was getting old and if I didn't marry him who would want to marry me. I had low self respect & self esteem & now that I am growing as a person & finding myself I am realizing I don't need to put up with this...that I can do better. Now that I said I want a separation he is starting to change but I think it is too late for me. I don't think I even want to try anymore. He wants to go to counseling and work things out. He sometimes blames me for not being harder on him to make him change earlier in our relationship. I no longer have feelings or the love for him that a wife should have for her husband...now I'm thinking maybe I was never truely in love with him in the first place. I feel there is TRUE love awaiting me and I do want to experience it in my lifetime. The therapist we saw is one who believes you stay to work it out & I felt she was siding with him because he was admitting all his wrongs. I feel obligated as a wife to give him another chance but I don't really want to try anymore. Is this wrong of me? Do I have the right to leave or do I need to stay? My biggest issues is feeling obligated and a fear of what will happen to my son since he says he wants him too. Please help!

In my opinion? Lets see - your H has cheated, lied, given you an STD. & to top it all of, put some of the blame on YOU? for not "being harder on him to make him change?"
My advice?
I have though t the same about my husband. If he changed his mind, a few times he has said forget it, let's just stay married and I'll get over my problems eventually, would i stay. Like you I don't want to stay. As much as I want an explination to why he's doing this I don't wan thim. My stbx is a complusive liar too. I always told my self it wasbecause he had to lie to his mom all the time because she never approved of anything she did. I was wrong. He told me over and over that he would change. I always stayed. Now 11 years into it he never did change and he decided he was through. Never stay out of obligation. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You child deserves to have a better example of the kind of man he should be. It would not be fair to either of you to stay in a marriage like that. I wish you luck, hon.
Amber
Does your H have any redeeming qualities at all? I don't believe in "one true love," but you can certainly do better than this man (and I use that term loosely).
Good luck to you - sounds like this guy is broken.....
Hi...
Reading your post and hearing what your h has put your through just about made me sick... It doesn't sound like the two of you have much of a foundation of a marriage with which to do any rebuilding... it is great that he has NOW realized some issues, but come on... its too little, too late in my book...
You're the only one who can make this decision... we can give you all our thoughts, but ultimately you need to consider our opinions and your feelings (and not necessarily in that order) and decide... but let me ask you something... Do you want your son to learn this way of treating women? Sounds down right disrespectful in every way...
Like Rebecca, I want to encourage you to seek counseling on your own... to help get things clearer in your head, so you can figure out what ~you~ really want and need for you and your son's future...
Wishing you peace as you work through these issues...
Julie