Should I go Back???
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Should I go Back???
| Thu, 06-23-2005 - 1:00pm |
Help My friends think I am a fool!!!!. we were married for 25 years we have two teenage sons 15,17. I left him because he lied to me about finances and we lost our home and tried to save it by filing bankruptsy. We lost the house and he told me with 3 days notice we had to move. he has a huge prograstnation problem too. the sad part is I still miss him. I was with him longer than living at home with my parents. He said he would go to counseling. that he misses his family do you think we could start over or should I say goodbye.

Hi there :)
25 years is a long time to give up.
Hugs to you for all you have been through. I do believe that those problems can be worked over. It will take some time and some concentration on both parts. As long as he is aboard, you can do this together. SLOWLY.
Hugs to you and good luck.
ANgelena
I am sorry for all your troubles. i have a biiiiggg problem with liars. but ----- i am wondering if your husband is serious about getting therapy? has he sstarted to seek therapy on his own - for HIS problems? and what did he do that made you lose the house- what were the money problems?
This must be a very difficult decision to make. If you haven't done so already, I think you should consider individual counselling in addition to couples counselling with your husband. When people reconcile, they often continue to repeat old patterns. Real change is possible, but only if both parties are committed to making the changes needed to themselves, and changing yourself can be more work than some people are willing to put into it.
You need to examine your feelings - are you considering the reconciliation because you're feeling lonely and being with him seems safer than continuing alone? Or is there enough love left between the two of you that it's worth trying to salvage?
You also need to consider what's best for you and your family. I think as a parent, the best gift you can give your children is a stable home, whether that's part of a marriage or following through on the divorce. Ask yourself whether you can have a stable future together, or will a reconciliation put your family's financial stability at risk again? Your husband may have truly seen the error of his ways, or he may be saying what he knows you need to hear to give him a second chance. You also need to know that these were his only lies - liars will often lie in many areas, so you may be looking at only the tip of the iceberg.
I don't mean to sound negative - I'm not saying you couldn't make this work. I just wanted to point out some things you really need to consider to help you make the best decision you can. You may love one another, but love is only one component of a successful relationship. Before you decide to reconcile, you both need to be committed to making the changes you have to make so you don't repeat the mistakes of the past.
-sang